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小 發表於 2016-4-4 05:51 PM (第 2962 天)
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Dear Chris,
How are you? Thank you for your reminding me about my first trip to London! I am sorry for X"writing a letter to you so"X writing back to you this late. After two weeks, I have finally got accustomed to the school life in London and now I am enjoying my dance training Xand the lifeX as a part of my trip.
The dance training is a great learning opportunity/experience to me as I can acquire a massive amount of dance knowledge and skills in the process. The teacher in the training session is a famous dancer (no comma) who has won a lot of international dance competitions. I deeply appreciate her teaching skills. Say, for a example, she arranged students to different groups [1] and passed some tasks for us to create a performance. We have to discuss and comment on other students' work after the performances. She has created lots of opportunities for us to explore our potential in dancing.
Also, I enjoy the traditional English culture throughout this trip, especially the art culture. One of my teammates took me to watch a street performance last weekend. It was totally different when compared with those in Hong Kong. The government here is [3] willing to facilitate performance art so it has provided enough space for street performers. All people enjoy the performances and there always are a flock of people around the attractive performances!
Before the trip, I was really scared and worried as it was my first trip to another country. But now I have got a sense of fulfillment in my training. In addition to learning dancing, I also have the opportunity to study English. Now I can communicate with people in English fluently.
I really enjoyed the amazing summer trip and I’m looking forward to the next challenge in the training. How was your summer trip? Let me know how it was!
Bye for now!
Love,
Pat
PS
[1] If the people are in different groups, they are not your "teammates".
[2] "Besides" and "also" have very similar meanings. You just have to pick one to use. However, I don't suggest using "besides" since that one can convey a very negative image.
[3] I guess it is a bit politically incorrect to address the "British Government" as Britain is politically pretty divided...
Comments:
Actually, your grammar is not too bad. A lot of Hong Kong students tend to write run-on sentences - they don't know how to use FULLSTOPS! But I'm glad you are not one of them.
There are some things that you may want to pay more attention on. First, try not to repeat words too often. This is a piece of short writing. Any repetition of words would sound obvious. Therefore, instead of using "street performances" time over time in paragraph 3, you may want to use other expressions like "the show" and "the actors/ performers". Second, you need to use present perfect tense to talk about things that have already finished. Third, nouns like "dance" and "dancing" are pretty mixed up here. "Dance" is the name of the sport while "dancing" refers to the action.
I really want to give this a four, but to be conservative, I would say this is a 3 to me. Good luck with your exam!
[ 本帖最後由 pp_123 於 2016-4-4 06:26 PM 編輯 ]