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自修生作文,請幫忙修改,萬分感激 ( 如方便請儘量詳細,thx )

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自修生作文,請幫忙修改,萬分感激 ( 如方便請儘量詳細,thx )

Eating at home is better than eating in restaurant. Do you agree? Give reasons.

     I am agree. In 21 century, many things tend to high-speed efficiency which include eating. Many people did not want to spend many times for eating even unconcerned their health. They believe eating at home is waste their time where prepare foods from the market, annoy by daily foods menu and washing a lot of dishes.
Therefore, eating in restaurant is more convenience than at home. When they were off duty that a fast way to save from their valuable times.
     Despite all these, is it a correct concept?? Although Hong Kong have many kinds of restaurants to choose, I do not agree there are healthy enough. If we eating in restaurants, healthy problems seems to be inevitable.
     Generally speaking, we are choosing meat foods should be more than vegetables where eating in restaurants. Even in Japanese restaurants where we do not eat any vegetables. As for drinking, we usual to order soft drink instead of water and fruit juice. Many unnecessary junk foods which we taking at the breakfast, lunch and dinner. It is really an unhealthy habit to ours.
     Nevertheless, if we replace to eating at home. In general, I suppose three dishes each day where some vegetables to be certainly among in our menu. Besides, the soft drink instead of water. After dinner, we can take some of fresh fruit when we are watching TV. More importantly, we can spend more time to communicate with our family.
     Doubtless, with a view on our health and family. I highly recommend eating at home would be better than eating in restaurants.


[ 本帖最後由 christie0312 於 2009-5-5 12:31 AM 編輯 ]
   

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得i agree,much time on eating,is wasting their...好多grammar錯咗,最重要係要講兩方面的好處,例如你講好係家到食,就要用少少字describe 出去食的好處,之後就駁出去食的好處

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Not i am agree
I agree

is waste their time 我覺得改做 is time consuming

[ 本帖最後由 cwbrian 於 2009-5-5 05:49 PM 編輯 ]

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回覆 #2 billyboy1234 的帖子

首先唔該晒你既回覆,原來議論文都要指出正負論點,我為argument先要,garmmar方面我都知道有好多錯,但我就係唔知道邊度錯 除左你講嗰3個之外,請問可唔可以講多少少呢?

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唔該晒你,你指出嗰兩點我會好好記住,如方便,請講多少少,thx

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文章的格式要多加斟酌.
一篇文既基本格式應該如下:
1.引言 introduction (用作回應文題, 或者帶出文章將會提及什麼)
2 - 5段. main paragraphs (每一段落主要是主旨句+elaboration構成)
6. 結尾 (重申主旨/ 帶出期許或建議)

做好呢幾樣野, 英文compo的organization分應該至少有3-4/6

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21 century<---21th century
many things tend to high-speed efficiency which include eating 好似to be會好d 不過個high-speed effieciency好似怪怪地..
Many people did not want to spend many times for eating even unconcerned their health.點解第一句用present而家要past tense? 同埋time係解時間 times=時代or次數 呢度要用much time on(上面有人提出左) even unconcerned  their health<---------個even後面既句式既語意好似怪怪地...唔知表達咩
They believe eating at home is waste their time where prepare foods from the market, annoy by daily foods menu and washing a lot of dishes.  waste係動詞or名詞 想做動詞就del 'is'只用waste不過呢度唔係幾合適.....當waste係名詞呢 就加個article 'a'俾佢      where prepare foods from the market, annoy by daily foods menu and washing a lot of dishes.<--------呢個好似係補充點解浪費時間...但係個prepostion where用得唔係太好...我都唔知點改...可以試下用simple sentences嗎...不過simple都好 prepare food 同annoy by 好難會有個parallel stucture.......annoy by用passive voice會好d
When they were off duty that a fast way to save from their valuable times.       again.....time(s),呢度亦都用左一個complex d既sentence...搵個that分隔左...不過都係語意唔完整.. 咩fast way? off duty同save time既relation?
is it a correct concept?      英文有時可以試下簡單直接. Is it correct?
Although Hong Kong have many kinds of restaurants to choose         have->has,用呢種句子結構怪怪地咁...可以試下用it is .....for customers to choose restaurants in hk.
If we eating in restaurants, healthy problems seems to be inevitable. 'we eat'
we are choosing meat foods should be more than vegetables where eating in restaurants.
呢個我明你既意思 試下改做 we prefer ordering meat to ordering vegetables in restaurants.用原句,個頭要係noun但係而家係一句黎
  Even in Japanese restaurants where we do not eat any vegetables<--------.........試下將呢個當做例子 用For example, we don't eat any vegetables in a japanese restaurant!不過我地係咪係日本餐廳就真係唔食菜呢?
As for drinking, we usual to order soft drink instead of water and fruit juice.<-----as for drinking我唔知o唔ok 不過usual to order->usually order,usual唔係verb唔可以咁用.
Many unnecessary junk foods which we taking at the breakfast<---much food(s) which後面係一個完整clause要有verb taking可以變take
後面果幾段唔打啦...太長.  總括黎講呢 篇文指出左fast food同junk food既唔好處 有提係屋企食野既好處 係幾好既.
不過係ce level既作文 可以試下用樓上幾位既建議 引言,point+結論 最好有導詞好似係first second third(不過我唔係好鍾意用) ,樓主既果d轉折詞連接詞都ok 不過要睇清楚用法
同埋d grammar錯得太多啦 你捉到路啦 我miss 話ce level唔要你有d好難既生字 最緊要係有sentence structure 你篇文一睇就知好有心思造一d complex structure sentences出黎....不過當grammar錯得多果陣...唔會俾得好高分你
s+v+o係基本造句結構 平時念下果句有幾多個verb(s)呢個成日漏or成日多,一句得一個架咋!          +左ing既verb唔會係verb所以唔好計呢個做verb                   preposition你太依賴where..但係有時where既usage唔係咁,noun food(s) time(s)
我唔可以講呢兩隻字係錯grammar既事實上佢地真係存在......但係如果food解食物 time解時間就會係uncoutable,緊記!
總括黎講 篇文內容ok 段既開首有一d轉折詞 算係有結構     不過grammar錯得多 語意不通係致命傷........希望你可以同我一樣加緊學好英文啦 因為我作文果陣grammar都係錯漏百出的,大家一齊係ce努力... 共勉之

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回覆 #7 myfungfung 的帖子

多謝晒你咁詳盡既解釋,你既提點我會好好記住,另外,你講既句子有少少野我唔知改得岩唔岩,煩請你幫我睇多次,唔
該晒
1) It is convenient for customers to choose restaurants in hk.
2) If we eat in restaurants, healthy problems seems to be inevitable.
3) For example, most people we don't eat any vegetables in a japanese restaurant!
ps:你咁好人,ce一定會pass架

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唔該晒你既提點,我都知我結構好有問題,但總係唔明點改 所以睇完你講既結構有少少野想問,就係你指既main paragraphs ,
係咪首先寫first,second,third(雖然呢個好悶,但我諗唔到其他)跟住係佢地每點後再加d連接詞如besides,moreover等,咁岩唔岩呢???再係舉例時用for example又得唔得呢,除左呢個之外可以舉例之前用咩字呢??因為每段好似最少要舉2-3次例,我無理由寫幾次for example呢個字,希望你明我問咩,真係麻煩晒你,thx

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引用:
原帖由 christie0312 於 2009-5-7 12:02 AM 發表
唔該晒你既提點,我都知我結構好有問題,但總係唔明點改 所以睇完你講既結構有少少野想問,就係你指既main paragraphs ,
係咪首先寫first,second,third(雖然呢個好悶,但我諗唔到其他)跟住係佢地每點後再加d連接 ...
其實我既建議係, 寫每一段main paragraph果陣,
先用第一句來表達你的重點, 之後才慢慢詳細解釋你的意思, 或舉些例子.

比多篇hkeaa的level 5參考文章你睇:
http://www.hkeaa.edu.hk/DocLibrary/HKCEE/Grading_and_Marking_SRR/Grade_des/grade_descriptors_eng_lv5.pdf

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回覆 #9 christie0312 的帖子

同埋你話唔知應該用咩linking words,
main paragraph的第一段可以用 To begin with, In the first place 來起頭
之後第2, 3, 4段就可以用In addition, Moreover, Furthermore 來add points
而conclusion 就可以用下 To conclude, To sum up, All in all, 來表達總結

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回覆 #10 tootyboy1 的帖子

多謝晒你篇文,寫得真係好好多,但唔知我有冇睇錯,篇文既linking words都唔係咁多,每段開頭直頭冇
另外想問下咁我篇文大致上咁用linking words(唔計用錯意思個d),咁得唔得??
唔該晒你

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