chan3160

題目；some people perform traditional forms of ritual to pay respect to their ancestors,such as burning paper offering,while other people prefer techology,like online worship.which one do you prefer ?write an article.
                                            my view of worship
Recently,traditiomal forms of rituals to pay respect to their ancestors or using techology worship thier ancestors has provoked a stimulating discussion. To me , I prefer traditional forms of rituals to pay respect to our ancestry.The reasons for making this decision are as follows.
  To begin with ,the reason behind my option is  that ancestors worship is religious practice based on the belief that deceased family member have a continued existence. It is because chinese  people believe that they can through burning paper offerings to give their ancestors some items ,such as clothes and daily life items,improve ancestors quality of life and offerings of various kinds help to keep the ancestors happy in the spiritual world ,who,in return,will bless the family. So that I true tradition worship can making our ancestors have a better life.
  Then,unity of group is reinforced through ancestors veneration. Traditional rituals need all family member prepare oblation namely paper offering and worship foods. By preparing, family member can building up a close relationship between member,forexample,senior member can help young member to burn paper offerings and finish worship they will eat lunch together .so that traditional worship not only can inheritance ancestors faith,but also can make family have a close levels.
  Furthermore,ancestors worshipping is not asking for favours, but to fulfil one's filial dutise.it is because traditional worship can remind me filial duty.when I go  homes and temple to clean ancestors environment or offering joss stick.above behavior can show people filial duty.
  Finally,clear and bright spring season comes,traditional worship can bring me into nature.on the one hand ,I can deceased loved ones to do the emotional communication.on the other hand , I can relax and get close to nature ,when they doing traditional worship.
To sum up,there is no doubt that traditional worship will bring massive benefits to people .so that I prefer it .

autodidactsara

呢篇野中化黎既? 我中化唔好，所以... 會有D critical...

講左POINT先：

第一個POINT涉及些少宗教思想，你介紹左出黎但係無解釋點解傳統方法work而現今科技唔work

第二個POINT：OK

第三個POINT：不夠strong；點樣透過傳統儀式將「孝」帶出黎? 中間我feel唔到有咩logic；同埋孝又係咪只限於祖先? 有無可能拉返去現實中的父母身上? 可以點樣拉?

第四個POINT：「自然」既concept似乎超出左鬼佬思維，請多解釋 祖先 點解會成為自然一部分。

chan3160

大約咩level?

autodidactsara

離題既GRADE我就知。你無離題，我唔識評。文法我都未同你執... 粗略見到你有d字用錯左...

chan3160

推，可插
thank

autodidactsara

我做埋手頭上既野再改下文法啦

points方面，你不如再補充一下，中英文都得。

記得：英作都好睇你說服人既能力強唔強。

chan3160

補充第一個point 係一些宗教信仰有特定的拜祭行為，電腦website係做唔到依點
大自然個point我係想講；家人一同上山拜祖先，能夠放底平日生活的壓力，一同享受大自然的風景，放鬆一下身體。
第三個point被你ko左！

chan3160

推
推
推

autodidactsara

第一個point：由於現今社會對宗教既睇法較寬鬆，建議你帶出重點之前&之後都著眼於講講「我地都要明白到傳統中國的宗教 & 相關習習俗etc.，所以XXX YYY ZZZ...」
(我唔想人地覺得你迷信 LOL)

咁大自然個point...我咁又想問下spiritual communication其實關唔關事? 我唔熟中化，想好奇問清楚你既睇法

第三個point我唔係想KO你，而係想知你點諗兩者的關係，點樣得出結論。你可以試下elaborate多D或者加些少拜山時既一些行為作為例子。

autodidactsara

呢抽野都只係改你文法為主。你既points可以自己改下先，之後再寫返出黎補充下。

my view of worship
Recently,traditiomal forms of rituals to pay respect to [DELETE: their] ancestors AND ITS MODERN SUBSTITUTION OF using technology has provoked a stimulating discussion. To me , I prefer traditional forms of rituals.The reasons for making this decision are as follows.
  To begin with ,the reason behind my option is  that WORSHIPPING ancestors is A religious practice based on the belief that THE deceased family MEMBERS have continued existence. It is because Chinese  people believe that they can give their ancestors some items ,such as clothes and daily life items, through burning paper offerings, AND HENCE IMPROVING ancestors’ quality of life. THIS RELIGION ALSO MAINTAINS THAT offerings of various kinds OF GOODS CAN help keep the ancestors happy in the spiritual world who, in return, will bless the family/ THEIR CHILDREN/ THEIR DESCENDANTS. So that I BELIEVE THAT WORSHIPPING ANCESTORS IN TRADITIONAL WAYS can MAKE our ancestors have a better life.
  Then,unity of group is reinforced through ancestor veneration. Traditional rituals REQUIRE all family MEMBERS PREFORM oblation [COMMA] namely paper offering and [?] foods. THROUGH PREPARATION FOR AND PREFORMANCE OF OBLATION, family MEMBERS can BUILD up a close relationship WITH ONE ANOTHER. FOR example, senior MEMBERS can help young member burn paper offerings. AFTERWARDS, ALL MEMBERS will HAVE lunch together . so traditional worship CAN not only [睇唔明：inheritance ancestors faith] ,but also make family MEMBERS CLOSER TO ONE ANOTHER.
  Furthermore,ancestors worshipping is not asking for favours, but to fulfil one's filial dutise. [這一句無解釋過任何野it is because traditional worship can remind me filial duty.] when I go  HOME [家鄉定屋企?] and TEMPLES to clean ancestors’ GRAVES AND OFFER joss stick [COMMA] THE above BEHAVIOURS can show people WHAT filial DUTIES ARE.
  Finally, WHEN clear and bright spring season comes, traditional worship can bring me CLOSE TO nature. ON the one hand ,I can COMMUNICATE WITH THE deceased [COMMA] loved ones EMOTIONALLY .on the other hand , I can relax and get close to nature ,when PERFORMING traditional worship.
To sum up,there is no doubt that traditional worship will bring massive benefits to people, AND so  I prefer it .

chan3160

thank you