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[Eng] "teen model" 求嚴評&comment

[隱藏]

"teen model" 求嚴評&comment

Topic:
Your friend,Chrissie is now 16. She is asking your opinions whether she should choose "teen model" as her ambition or not.

Write a letter to her to express your opinions.


------
Dear Chrissie,

I am happy to hear that you are asking my advice about your ambition. Although I don’t have the experience of being a teen model, I hope my opinions can still help you.

Nowadays, teen model has become a popular career. Most of the teenagers want to have a try. They think being a teen model is most suitable career for them as they think they can become the celebrities and earn a lot of money easily. Is that the reason why you want to become a teen model? If yes, you are absolutely wrong. You should be able to know what teen model is before you choose this career.

Firstly, I think teen model is not a career which is as simple as you think. They are not only taking photos, but also show their body in front of many cameras. Apart from this, they need to promote the products of some companies and they may need to go for a “ Cat Walk” show. Can you bear the pressure of these jobs? Do you have the required skills? I think teen model is not a job that you can handle easily at this age. But you can still take model as your career several years later while you have the required knowledge.

I know you want to become teen model at this age but not several years later. Before this, did you think of the dangers and difficulties you might face? It is impossible to ignore these factors before being a teen model!

When you want to become a teen model, you should find a teen model’s company. But before you get the job, you must sign the contract. In the contract, there maybe some important things that you must know but the company does not remind you. For example, how long is the working hours? Which kinds of jobs will you receive? How many years did you sign for the contact? If you are careless, you will fall into trouble.

Apart from this , the company may told you to give an amount of money to them, so you can get the job easily. Is that true? No, you must not trust them. You should be careful, they may want to cheat your money. Even worse , they may want to cheat your body.

Not only the above dangers, but you may also face the following difficulties if you become a teen model. Firstly, as you are just 16 years old . You don’t have enough experience or social skills. It is hard for you to work with others. You may feel frightened when you are facing hundreds of cameras. In addition, many teenagers share the same view with you . They also want to be a teen model . Under this competition , can you ensure you can reach the succeed? On the contrary , if you are unlucky, you will be isolate by others.

In general, you should think twice before you choose this career. I hope my opinions can help you . No matter you choose this career or not , I will still respect your choice.

Yours sincerely,
Chris Wong





[ 本帖最後由 LKY@123 於 2010-3-26 12:18 AM 編輯 ]
   

TOP

我既英文唔算好好
當做下proofreading
如果有錯請見諒

Dear Chrissie,

I am happy to hear that you are asking my advice about your ambition. Although I don’t have the experience of being a teen model, I hope my opinions can still help you.

Nowadays, teen model has become a popular career. Most of the teenagers want to have a try. They think being a teen model is the most suitable career for them as they think they can become a celebrity and earn a lot of money easily. Is that the reason why you want to become a teen model? If yes, you are absolutely wrong. You should be able to know what teen model is before you choose this career.

Firstly, I think teen model is not a career which is as simple as you think. They are not only taking photos, but also showing their body in front of many cameras. [So how is the job unsimple....?] Apart from this, they need to promote the products of some companies and they may need to go for a “ Cat Walk” show. Can you bear the pressure of these jobs? [Why do u think
promoting products and going for a show cause pressure?] Do you have the required skills? I think teen model is not a job that you can handle easily at this age. But you can still take model as your career several years later while you have the required knowledge. [根據Yahoo!字典的解釋, ambition的意思是   1. 雄心,抱負[C]   3. 追求的目標[C],    兩者的意思都相近, 意即經過一後時間的努力後, 未來有一日可實現目標, 既然你說you can still take model as your career several years later, 那為什麼現在"teen model" cannot be her ambition?]

I know you want to become a teen model at this age but not several years later. Before this, did you think of the dangers and difficulties you might face? It is impossible to ignore these factors before being a teen model!
[an unnecessary paragraph]

When you want to become a teen model, you should find a teen models company. But before you get the job, you must sign the contract. In the contract, there may be some important things that you must know but the company does not remind you. For example, how long are the working hours? Which kinds of jobs will you receive? How many years do you need to sign for the contact? If you are careless, you will fall into troubles.

Apart from this , the company may tell/ask you to give an amount of money to them, so you can get the job easily. Is that true? No, you must not trust them. You should be careful. They may want to cheat your money. Even worse , they may want to cheat your body.

Not only the above dangers, but you may also face the following difficulties if you become a teen model. Firstly, as you are just 16 years old, you don’t have enough experience or social skills. It is hard for you to work with others. You may feel frightened when you are facing hundreds of cameras. In addition, many teenagers share the same view with you . They also want to be a teen model . Under this competition , can you ensure you can reach the success? On the contrary , if you are unlucky, you will be isolated by others.
[lack of elaboration = useless]

In general, you should think twice before you choose this career. I hope my opinions can help you . No matter you choose this career or not , I will still support your choice.

Yours sincerely,
Chris Wong


[ 本帖最後由 amz3 於 2010-3-27 11:27 AM 編輯 ]

TOP

其實作者是否有點離題呢?
事實上, 本人不知道ambition的意思
如果是Yahoo!字典的解釋及我理解正確
ambition即是志向,理想
作者側似乎focus on the present

TOP

下...有離題咩...

灰色字 ,紅色字咩意思???

你改maybe變may be
(In the contract, there may be some important things that you must know but the company does not remind you.)
我寫maybe  有咩錯??
何時用maybe??何時用may be??

TOP

提示: 作者被禁止或刪除 內容自動屏蔽

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回覆 #4 LKY@123 的帖子

basic Eng sentence structure:
SVO

maybe
adv.
1. 大概,或許,可能
Maybe you'll have better luck next time.
也許下次你的運氣會好一點。

"there maybe some important things that ...."

so, where's the Verb?

there may be some important things that ....

now, be is the main verb while may is a model verb.


灰字 = 可刪去

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回覆 #6 amz3 的帖子

你係改哂D BASIC, 但係一d sentence structure 上ge mistake ..就冇改到.
POST 文者請注意: POST 之前請PROOFREAD 清楚

TOP

我唔明為何你話離題...
真的好差??

請大家討論一下我要improve 既野 and give me the grade, thanks!

TOP

回覆 #7 7s711 的帖子

係, 畢竟我唔係老師
冇咁既能力去改sentence structure 上ge mistake
我改既都係最basic既grammatical mistake
有d地方覺得有問題
但因為唔肯定/唔識改, 所以都冇改到
同時亦都唔想改得太多
咁就變左我作文- -

[ 本帖最後由 amz3 於 2010-3-28 03:47 PM 編輯 ]

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回覆 #8 LKY@123 的帖子

題目問Chrissie 應否以"teen model"為她的目標
我話你離題係因為你並沒有針對"目標"2字
你只說現在

現在你cannot bear the pressure of these jobs, do not have the required skills at this age
不代表你將來cannot bear the pressure of these jobs, do not have the required skills
因為你只要有目標, 你就會去學the required skills----->所以會慢慢bear the pressure of these jobs
所以, 你唔應該寫佢e+點解唔可以做teen model
而應該寫點解唔可以作為目標

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