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[Eng] 英文作交,,請評!!

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英文作交,,請評!!

希望各位可以比d意見我,,同埋講下我有咩grade
Topic: 'It's not a good thing that shopping and shopping malls have become such a big part of our lives.' Do you agree?
Write a letter to the editor of the Young Post giving your opinion. Sign your letter with 'Chris Wong'


Dear Editor,
          Some people around the globe keep saying that it is not a good thing that shopping and shopping malls have become such a big part of our lives. Yet, I don't agree with them and I am writing to express my opinion.
          The living standard of the locals can be improved. When there are more shopping malls around us, locals are more willing to spend on shopping in order to enjoy the goods and services. This will promote the cash flow of a country and people will be more capable of affording luxurious goods and services then before. Hence, the standard of living of the whole country will increase.
           Shopping malls bring convenience to the public. People can buy different products easily shopping malls usually comprise different stores, so people will find it quite convenient for them to shop within a short period of time. The shopping malls not only bring convenience to us, but also provide a neat and comfortable environment. In particular, during summer time. Since air-conditioning is available there, we can shop in a comfortable environment.
           A wide variety of goods and services can be provided. In the shopping malls, we can enjoy different types of imported goods from foreign countries easily. Also, services such as car parking are available in the shopping malls as well.
           In short, I don't agree that it is not a good thing that shopping and shopping malls have become such a big part of our lives. In fact, they benefit us a lot.
Yours faithfully,
Chris Wong


[ 本帖最後由 末代CE考生 於 2010-4-2 05:04 PM 編輯 ]
   

TOP

As a CE student, I hope my advice can help, because I am not that "PRO"

- Topic sentences seem strange. More connectives should be used. The linkage between your sentences were poorly developed.

- Not really convincing. Reasons are hard to follow, without enough elaboration.

- Too short

- 'Dear Sir' seems better

- Yours faithfully, and your name should be on the left hand side.

I am not sure if I can give an accurate mark:

C2/6
A3/6
O2/6
G3/6
10/24

[ 本帖最後由 G_G!smileXP 於 2010-4-2 10:10 PM 編輯 ]

TOP

回覆 #2 G_G!smileXP 的帖子

首先多謝你既意見
But the question requires me to write to the editor....

TOP

引用:
原帖由 末代CE考生 於 2010-4-2 10:50 PM 發表
首先多謝你既意見
But the question requires me to write to the editor....
Dear Editor is OK
But
I will use Dear Sir for myself.
Anyway, I think you should write more for each reason.

TOP

回覆 #4 G_G!smileXP 的帖子

Better use Dear editor. Follow the instructions
POST 文者請注意: POST 之前請PROOFREAD 清楚

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C: 1/6
直D 講句, 唔多覺你有扣題
又唔夠elaborations.

A: 2/6
li 樣一定要鬧, 好明顯冇proofread 就post, right?
講左好多次, 作完文一定要proofread.

O: 4/6

G: 3/6
第一, 唔好用"don't", "won't" etc. , 用"do not", "will not" etc.
第二, 講左好多次, LETTER TO THE EDITOR 格式係點, 請自己查舊POST

10/24 (1)

[ 本帖最後由 7s711 於 2010-4-2 09:07 PM 編輯 ]
附件: 您所在的用戶組無法下載或查看附件
POST 文者請注意: POST 之前請PROOFREAD 清楚

TOP

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