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[Eng] 英作廢文,第2回

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英作廢文,第2回

Your school building is going to be pulled down as part of the redevelopment of the area.Write an article for your school magazine saying why you think this is or is not a good idea.

The demolition of our school building due to the large-scale redevelopment project is soon to be started.Most people are looking forward to see the new feature of the old town.However,we really do not want to see our school to be pulled down.

Our school have been established for nearly fifty years;even so,it is still in a good status(condition ok?).It is no neccessity to pull down because it is not too old.Furthermore,the appearance and architecture of our school are distinctive and unique.It will be a great pity if this special construction disappears in Hong Kong.

In addition,since our school buildings are to be demolished,all of the teachers,students and school staff need to find other school.And it will take a long time to do so.After finding a new school,we aslo need some time to adapt to the new environment.Because of this,exspecially students who are preparing for the HKCEE will be afffected,and some teachers and school staff may not get a new job immediately after they lost their old one.

Much to our frustration,teachers and students can not see each other anymore in school day.We are all getting along well and have already formed a very close relationship.We treat our school as another home.Sadly,the day is coming soon.Our big familiy is going to be separated.

After all,the redevelopment project is a way to encourage economic development and provide a more comfortable place and environment for people to live.But does it mean that some historical buildings like our school is not worth to be preserved?Lastly,I deeply wish the government can give a helping hand to the people if they become unemployed after the redevelopment project.



唔該晒各位師兄先,其實我有proofread,不過硬係唔知自己錯嗲

[ 本帖最後由 behemoth 於 2010-4-3 02:24 PM 編輯 ]
   

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demolition用語不當 rebuilding
It will be a great pity and disappointment
>It will be quite depressed and disappointing

lv3

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提示: 作者被禁止或刪除 內容自動屏蔽

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引用:
原帖由 <i>MYTIMOTHY</i> 於 2010-4-3 08:44 AM 發表 <a href="http://lsforum.net/board/redirect.php?goto=findpost&pid=1907933&ptid=130369" target="_blank"><img src="http://lsforum.net/board/images/common/back.gif" border="0" onload="if(this.width>screen.width*0.7) {this.resized=true; this.width=screen.width*0.7; this.alt='Click here to open new window\nCTRL+Mouse wheel to zoom in/out';}" onmouseover="if(this.width>screen.width*0.7) {this.resized=true; this.width=screen.width*0.7; this.style.cursor='hand'; this.alt='Click here to open new window\nCTRL+Mouse wheel to zoom in/out';}" onclick="if(!this.resized) {return true;} else {window.open(this.src);}" onmousewheel="return imgzoom(this);" alt="" /></a><br />
demolition用語不當 rebuilding<br />
It will be a great pity and disappointment <br />
>It will be quite depressed and disappointing<br />
<br />
lv3
<br />

我覺得原句問題不大
但改正應為:It will be depressing and disappointing to all of us.

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[藍色]=更好, [紅色]=錯誤

The demolition [我覺得這ok,因爲你著眼於現在的學校被移除] of our school building due to the big [large-scale大型] redevelopment project is soon to be started. Most people are looking forward to the new feature of the old town. However,besides our school,the [什麽公司,第一次講就別用the] companies, the people and all the things must move 學校和死物可以自己走嗎?] from this area.

Our school have been established for nearly fifty years;Even so,it is still in a good state.There is no neccessity to be pulled down because it is not too old. [I do not find it urgent / necessary / essential to pull down our school building.] Furthermore,the appearance and architecture of our school are distinctive and unique.It will be a great pity and disappointment if this special contraction [??] disappears in Hong Kong.

In addition,since our school buildings are to be demolished,all of teachers [common mistake 1],students and school staff need to find other school.And it will take a long time to do so.[當局必須處理好新校選址問題先吧?] After finding a new school,we aslo need some time to adapt to the new circumstance [environment,未搞清楚字詞的意思就別亂用,circumstance係情況,under no circumstances should you kill someone. 在任何情況下你都不應該殺人.Because of this,exspecially students who are preparing for the HKCEE, will be affected and some teachers and school staff may not get a new job immediately after they lost their old one.

Much to our frustration,teachers and students can not see each other anymore in school day.We are all getting along well and have already formed a very close relationship.We treat our school as another home.Sadly,the day is coming soon.Our big familiy is going to be separated.

After all,the redevelopment project is a way to encourages economic development and provides a more comfortable place and environment for people to live.But is it means [does it mean] that some historical buildings like our school is not worth to be preserved?Lastly,I deeply wish the government can give a helping hand to the people if they become unemployed after the redevelopment project.

Common mistake
1: all of the teachers / all teachers, never all of teachers

看到一半就看不下了,只是you school building is going to be pulled down,不是你的學校會被殺,所以我覺得后部的内容蹩扭

[ 本帖最後由 cyril05210 於 2010-4-3 12:14 PM 編輯 ]

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我淨係睇左2段已經MARK 左11個COMMENTS.
我覺得你係完全冇PROOFREAD 到就POST
我已經講左好多次, 文寫完係要PROOFREAD.

篇文我唔俾分住, 我想睇下你改完之後變成點先再俾
附件: 您所在的用戶組無法下載或查看附件
POST 文者請注意: POST 之前請PROOFREAD 清楚

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引用:
原帖由 behemoth 於 2010-4-2 09:04 AM 發表
Your school building is going to be pulled down as part of the redevelopment of the area.Write an article for your school magazine saying why you think this is or is not a good idea.

The demol ...
basic:
spelling
tenses
agreement

跟住就punctuations, word choice
POST 文者請注意: POST 之前請PROOFREAD 清楚

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