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[Eng] 英作廢文,第3回

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英作廢文,第3回

Topic: The school's "healthy week" is taking place next month.You are responsible for the event "A Green Box A Day" - which the school canteen are going to offer healthy vegetable in the lunch box sold to the students.Write a letter to the manager of the school canteen,explaining the aim of the event,how long will it last,and request them for help.Sign your name as Chris Wong.

Dear Canteen Manager,

Our school is very much concerned about students' health eating habit and knowledge of food and nutrition.Therefore,our school is holding "Healthy Week" next month."A Green Box A Day",one of the event,I am responsible for.

More and more students at our school are getting fat.The main reason is that they have a great weekness for fast food such as hamburger,french fries,fried chicken wings and so on.This kind of food leads to obersity because it is high in calories and fat.The aim of "A Green Box A Day" is to encourage students eat less fast food and more health food.

To achieve this,we would like our school canteen to provide more healthy food.First,vegetable should be added into lunch box sold to students because it has high nutrition value which can not be found in fast food.Second,after finishing the meal,students should eat some fruit which are good for food digestion.Moreover,we should sell fresh juice and vegetable soup instead of coke because coke have high suger and lots of artificial ingredient which is harmful to healthy.

"Healthy Week" is going to last for five days or more.However,the new lunch menu should be kept providing for students so that they will be getting more and more healty.

Thank you very much for your attention.

Yours sincerely
Chirs Wong


LV3 OK?

[ 本帖最後由 behemoth 於 2010-4-4 01:07 PM 編輯 ]
   

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because coke have high suger and lots of artificial ingredient which is harmful to healthy

coke uncountable / ingredient countable
high sugar - wrong              coke contains too much sugar / high sugar level of coke
sugar not suger
healthy (adj) health (n)

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C: 4-2/6
唔夠字, 你寫得219, 我扣左2分
本身內容OK, 但係要更多elaborations.

A: 2/6
冇PROOFREAD?
最基本ge spelling mistake 都有唔少,
跟住D agreement, tense 都有錯, esp.agreement

O: 3/6
Thesis 唔見左, 唔好同講INTRO 最後o個句係, o個句根本唔係一句句子
第一段BODY PARAGRAPH organization 唔得
最後那句THANK YOU FOR 咩o個句直情係多餘.

G: 4/6
tone 唔錯

11/24 (1)

[ 本帖最後由 7s711 於 2010-4-3 07:09 PM 編輯 ]
附件: 您所在的用戶組無法下載或查看附件
POST 文者請注意: POST 之前請PROOFREAD 清楚

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