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[Eng] MOCK EXAM WRITING 請狠評

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MOCK EXAM WRITING 請狠評

Topic: You have read an editorial in a local newspaper complaining that HK does not have a strong culture. Write a letter to the editor of the newspaper arguing either for or against this view.


Dear Editor,
   I am writing in response to the editorial in the newspaper complaining that Hong Kong does not have strong culture. I do agree with that Hong Kong does not have its own culture.
   ‘Do you know how many years of history does Hong Kong enjoy?’ I asked my little brother. ‘Huh?’, he hesitated and after a while, he replied ‘I don’t know!’. If you claim you are Hong Kong citizen but you know nothing about Hong Kong, you are surely deceiving others.
   One dominant cause for Hong Kong not having a strong culture is that Hong Kong people do not develop it, leading to a weak sense of belongings. From the conversation between my brother and me, we realize that most adolescents in Hong Kong do not know about Hong Kong history. In school, rarely do we see teachers teaching something about Hong Kong history, rather, the Chinese history and the international history. Here comes to an ironical question, how can Hong Kong culture be developed if even local people do not show interest on it?
   Another attributing factor is that the Hong Kong government seems not tend to give a solid support on that field. Demolishing cultural buildings, pulling down old infrastructures and tearing down art works discourage the development of culture in Hong Kong. Hong Kong people have overlooked ‘history’ and always put their minds on economical development. Hong Kong is filled with skyscrapers but hardly can we find some buildings with historical value. How can culture be developed if a place has no history?
   When the government is requested to construct some buildings about arts and cultures, they always see no evils and hear no evils. When they are asked to promote Hong Kong culture, undoubtedly, they have taken measures, but most of them are timid, like advertisement. Don’t you think the measures are inefficacious? After all, we see that the government’s acts on developing Hong Kong culture are not constructive at all.
   Not interested to know about Hong Kong and failing to foster an atmosphere about Hong Kong cultures are two lethal factors of Hong Kong lacking of its own culture. If we continue to focus on economical development, continue to abandon our culture, Hong Kong will lose her features and purely be a financial centre.
                                                     Yours faithfully,
                                                         CW
                                                      Chris Wong
   

TOP

- "In "your" newspaper" sounds better ( in the newspaper)
- "Hong Kong does not have strong culture" doesn't mean "Hong Kong does not have its own culture."
- The second paragraph can be written in giving examples, because it seemed a bit weird in your way.
- may be 'the financial centre' is Hong Kong's culture..LOL~

Marks Guessing
C 5/6
A 6/6
O 4/6
G 4/6
---------
19/24
Level 4+ to 5-

TOP

Does 'culture' related to 'History'?
There is culture that comes from history and also comes from other things.

Title says "HK does not have a strong culture"
To me, if you agree, then write about the reasons behind, citizens' attitude is a reason, government's act is a reason, any other?

C: 4 A: 5 O: 5 G: 4 ==> 18/24

TOP

Just have a quick look.

C: 4/6
Don't include anything that is irrelevant.

A: 5/6
Pay attention to word order, word choice, and punctuations.

O: 6/6
Good work.

G: 4/6
Try not to use QUESTIONS to end the paragraph.


19/24 (4+)
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POST 文者請注意: POST 之前請PROOFREAD 清楚

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回覆 #4 7s711 的帖子

appreciate your effort ar... thank you so much!!!!!!!!!

TOP

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