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[Eng] 英文作文,望狼評

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英文作文,望狼評

由於e個題目係我係出面既英文老師比我,所以我冇個題目紙,冇得up上黎...
題目係話要寫杓信比editor講到底返學好定home school好

To:
The Editor
SCMP
Hong Kong

Subject: Views On Home School

Dear Editor,
  I am a form five student and would like to express my views on home school as opposed to school based education. In my point of view, I prefer school education rather than informal home based learning.
  Socialization can be learned in school. Since man is a social animal, a free socialized environment is provided in school, students have a lot of chances to stay with others. Therefore, a lot of informal social experiences are gained during interacting with each other.
  Studying in school can also demand students to be disciplined. Rules should be followed in school. Those who take their responsibility seriously will become a successful person due to the training provided in school. Students have to follow lots of rules and try not to break it in school while in home school, which is a relaxed place to study, almost no rules have to be followed, students may become irresponsible person and will find it hard to follow rules since no practice has been taken.
  Moreover, the uniform culture that is provided in school can show the equality and oneness among students. Teens can learn to cooperate with each other and their abilities will be discovered. They will find their place in a team which can hardly be learned at a home school.
  To conclude, I prefer school based education than home school as students can be trained to take risks and socialize, they can slao discover themselves which cannot be done in home schools.

Best wishes
Chris Wong

   

TOP

引用:
原帖由 88998604 於 2010-4-5 12:59 PM 發表
由於e個題目係我係出面既英文老師比我,所以我冇個題目紙,冇得up上黎...
題目係話要寫杓信比editor講到底返學好定home school好

To:
The Editor
SCMP
Hong Kong
Subject: Views On Home School
Dea ...
- It's a CE question, 09-task2-1
- Address and subject are not needed, I guess....
- If you want to include an address, exclude "To: "
- I don't know if my word count tool is working accurately, you only have 249 words.
- Last paragraph , You prefer XXX to XXX .
- Reason 1 and 3 can be further elaborated.
- Best Wishes? Too informal, you should use "Yours faithfully"

Marks Guessing:
- Write some more words and your content may get 4-5
- And mind your format
C 3/6
A 5/6
O 4/6
G 3/6
---------
15/24
Level 3+

[ 本帖最後由 G_G!smileXP 於 2010-4-5 01:16 PM 編輯 ]

TOP

Agree with above comments generally,
but in addition,
you may write some disadvantages of studying in home school

TOP

QUICK Look Only

C: 3/6
Don't include anything that is irrelevant in your writing.
Try to include counter argument.
Needs more elaboration.

A: 4/6
One of the mistakes make me cannot give me a "5" in this. That mistake is a fatal one.

O: 6/6
Good work.

G: 4/6
Note the tone.

17/24 (4)

[ 本帖最後由 7s711 於 2010-4-5 11:02 PM 編輯 ]
附件: 您所在的用戶組無法下載或查看附件
POST 文者請注意: POST 之前請PROOFREAD 清楚

TOP

thank you for the help,, I will work hard on this, thank you very much

TOP

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