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[Eng] Please give comments and grade^^

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Please give comments and grade^^

Task2 Q.2
Dear Editor

In recent years, I found that Hong Kong people attach less importance to the problem of pollution even the environment of the Earth is deteriorating. I am writing to express my concern about their awareness of environmentally protection and suggest some practical ways to protect the environment.

First of all, I would like to share my experiences about the awareness of environmentally protection. Every time I go to barbecue with my classmates, they are used to buy the disposable products, such as one-off plates, forks and cups. I tried hard to persuade them to bring recycling tools from home but they refused to do it because of troubles. Although we have fun during the barbecues, we produced plenty of solid waste which causes land pollution.

Under a temperature below 25 degree Celsius, many schools still open the electricity consuming but unnecessary appliances, air-conditioners. Schools, which are educational places, also do not be a good model to students. It made me feel quite disappointed. There is no denying that we can feel more comfortable under an air-conditioned environment. However, it indirectly causes air pollution since there are a myriad of air pollutants are produced in power stations.

In order to protect our environment, we only need to pay more attention to our daily lives. We should remember 3R, reuse, reduce and recycling. For example, we ought to bring recycling bags when we shopping to reduce the use of plastic bags. Also, we should make use of the recycling bins.

To protect our air, we must reduce the emission of air pollutants. We should switch off the electrical appliances that are not in use. In addition, it is suggested that to make the most of public transports instead of private vehicles and taxies. Last but not least, use air-conditioners on very hot days only. Otherwise, we should use fans.

In conclusion, many things in the world brought us convenience and comfort. While we are using them, do not let them ruin our environment. Everyone has responsibility to protect our environment, start from our daily details to be an environmental friendly human.

Yours faithfully,
Chris Wong
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push................... I need comments

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In recent years, I <(formal writing,少用為妙)found that Hong Kong people attach less importance to the problem of pollution even the environment of the Earth is deteriorating. I am writing <<(通常擺頭)to express my concern about their awareness of environmentally(environmental protection已可) protection and suggest some practical ways to protect the environment.

First of all, I would like(除非是speech,否則很少這樣寫) to share my experiences about the awareness of environmentally protection. Every time I go to barbecue with my classmates, they are used to buy the disposable products<<(個人經歷,可能欠缺說服力), such as one-off plates, forks and cups. I tried hard to persuade them to bring recycling tools from home but they refused to do it because of troubles. Although we have fun during the barbecues, we produced plenty of solid waste which causes land pollution.

Under a temperature below 25 degree Celsius, many schools still open the electricity consuming but unnecessary appliances, (and)air-conditioners. Schools, which are educational places, also do not be(cannot be/are not) a good model to students. It made me feel quite disappointed. There is no denying(It is undeniable) that we can feel more comfortable under an air-conditioned environment. However, it indirectly causes air pollution since there are a myriad of air pollutants are produced in power stations.

In order to protect our environment, we only need to pay more attention to our daily lives. We should remember 3R, reuse, reduce and recycling. For example, we ought to bring recycling bags when we shopping to reduce the use of plastic bags. Also,<<(少用為妙) we should make use of the recycling bins.

To protect our(improve the air quality) air, we must reduce the emission of air pollutants. We should switch off the electrical appliances that are not in use. In addition, it is suggested that to make the most of public transports (peoplle should use mass transport system instead of using ....)instead of private vehicles and taxies. Last but not least, use(using) air-conditioners on very hot days only. Otherwise(這裡用否則,有點意思不明), we should use fans.

In conclusion, many things in the world brought us convenience and comfort. While we are using them, do not let them ruin our environment. Everyone has responsibility to protect our environment, start from our daily details(starting from today) to be an environmental friendly human.

Yours faithfully,
Chris Wong

小弟都只係會考生,只是少許意見,匆見笑。
沙石較多,語態略嫌不夠formal。應盡量減少使用I WE YOU,因為予人過分主觀之感,同時欠缺說服力。可再稍加連接詞。連接詞是MARKING SCHEME重要評分標準,適當落多少少。減少幾句WE....WE......I.....

繼續努力!會考加油!

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