本區搜索:
Yahoo!字典
打印

[Eng] I am 334生 請狠批+suggestion!!!Witness report

[隱藏]

I am 334生 請狠批+suggestion!!!Witness report

Short Writing about 200 words 45 minutes.
Please point out all factual and language errors.



  On Friday, 12th May at about 8:15am, I was walking along with the Second Alley during the journey to school. When I was passing the cross of First and Second Alley, I saw two suspected men- one tall and slim, another one short and fat- were rushing in the First Alley due to Third Alley as if they were the thieves. The lanky man wore a black jacket with hood, a pair of dark blue trousers and packed a yellow ‘OKO’ brand handbag, the stocky one wore a white wind coat with a red rhombus pattern and a number ‘two’ was printed inside the rhombus in the back of the jacket.

Just idle curiosity, I followed them silently. An instant later, I heard the taller man said,” I’ll be glad to take this stocking off my face.” As they arrived the Third Alley, they suddenly stopped and took off their top dressing. Then, the lanky man threw his and the stocky man’s jacket into a dirty rubbish bin near the wall. After that, he reported,” I’ve hidden our clothes.” Next, the stocky man opened the cover of drain and dropped a black, gun-liked thing into the hole. I was puzzled if it was a handgun, hoped that it wasn’t.
“I’ve dropped the gun down the drain. Let’s go!” The fat man with a scar in his left face used his finger to touch his droopy moustache and yelled. I had realized that they were robbery thieves, my hands started to shake and my body was trembling after the stocky man claimed that he threw the gun into the drain hole. As I looked at them again, a red taxi had packed them up and was leaving the street quickly due to the direction of City A. It was 8:45am.  
                                                                                                                                                                           T.Tang
(300words)





[ 本帖最後由 s00100630 於 2010-7-21 09:20 PM 編輯 ]
附件: 您所在的用戶組無法下載或查看附件
   

TOP

good content with good vocab.
nice ideas and detailed description!

C: 7   L: 6    O: 6
-----------------------------
19/21 (A)

TOP

引用:
原帖由 victor808 於 2010-7-21 08:32 PM 發表
good content with good vocab.
nice ideas and detailed description!

C: 7   L: 6    O: 6
-----------------------------
19/21 (A)
真系咁好??  =  =
Vocab 自問差....

TOP

回覆 #3 s00100630 的帖子

不如我反問你啦,你點解覺得自己vocab差?
從你這文章,viocab 真係好好。
出去無6都5。

TOP

引用:
原帖由 victor808 於 2010-7-21 08:43 PM 發表
不如我反問你啦,你點解覺得自己vocab差?
從你這文章,viocab 真係好好。
出去無6都5。
因為我形容果2條友果時用左好少vocab..
而且D未又simple..
所以吾值咁高分

TOP

回覆 #5 s00100630 的帖子

坦言,你篇文章不錯的。
最低都18吧。

TOP

引用:
原帖由 victor808 於 2010-7-21 08:52 PM 發表
坦言,你篇文章不錯的。
最低都18吧。
多謝

TOP

可能我給分高了一點。
本人朋友(一位英文系大學生)
評: 用字不錯,結構一般。

c:6
L: 6
O: 5
--------------
17

TOP

引用:
原帖由 victor808 於 2010-7-21 09:02 PM 發表
可能我給分高了一點。
本人朋友(一位英文系大學生)
評: 用字不錯,結構一般。

c:6
L: 6
O: 5
--------------
17
THX
不過
借問有可以地方改善阿??

TOP

回覆 #9 s00100630 的帖子

改善結構,可能你寫得太多字了,有點0亂。

TOP

重要聲明:小卒資訊論壇 是一個公開的學術交流及分享平台。 論壇內所有檔案及內容 都只可作學術交流之用,絕不能用商業用途。 所有會員均須對自己所發表的言論而引起的法律責任負責(包括上傳檔案或連結), 本壇並不擔保該等資料之準確性及可靠性,且概不會就因有關資料之任何不確或遺漏而引致之任何損失或 損害承擔任何責任(不論是否與侵權行為、訂立契約或其他方面有關 ) 。