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[Eng] 請評英文07年pastpaper短文writing

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請評英文07年pastpaper短文writing

Amy was abeautiful girl in school. She had short black hair and shape eyes. David washer classmates. One day he invited Amy to dated with him and she agreed. David wouldlike to watched a romantic film with Amy.
After the day,Amy went to a famous salon to changed her hair. Also she bought many clothes inorder to made more beautiful.
At the date’sday. David wear very trendy. He appeared as well as some famous stars. ‘Have anice time and don’t be late home.’ said his mother. ‘OK. Bye Mum.’ David saidand then rushed out.
David arrivedthe cinema earlier. After a few minutes he saw a very fashion girl. She is Amyand she saw David too. ‘unbelievable’ said together at the same time. ‘You aremore beautiful than in the school. Your hair must be the most trendy in thiscurrent year.’ David said. Amy was happy. ‘Your appear must be the mosthandsome in this current year too. Let’s watch the film.'

作成點
可唔可以幫我改下grammar
唔該晒
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Amy was a beautiful girl in school. She had short black hair and shape(形狀,改番個verb落黎) eyes. David washer classmates[washer=洗衣機,你想講咩?]. One day he invited Amy to dated(我覺得個dated好似怪怪地) with him and she agreed. David would like to watched(to後面動詞不變) a romantic film with Amy.
After the day,Amy went to a famous salon to changed her hair. Also she bought many clothes in order to made more beautiful.
At the date’s day. David wear very trendy. He appeared as well as some famous stars. ‘Have a nice time and don’t be late home.’ said his mother. ‘OK. Bye Mum.’ David said and then rushed out.
David arrived the cinema earlier. After a few minutes he saw a very fashion girl(好似吾會話一個人好fashion,所以我覺得怪). She is Amy and she saw David too. ‘unbelievable’ said together at the same time. ‘You are more beautiful than in the school. Your hair must be the most trendy in this current year(得今年令??).’ David said. Amy was happy. ‘Your appear must be the most handsome in this current year too. Let’s watch the film.'

我上年英文得lv.1,所以我都可能有D野係錯, 都仲係要等多幾個私兄幫幫手

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其實做咩用咁多篇幅去SUMMARISE前面果3幅圖講咩-_-.....

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係囉點解要講前面果3幅圖既內容...題目想你專講第四幅會發生咩事
而且需要一個title
>>>閱讀分享區<<<

I am studying at HKUST! If you have any questions regarding HKUST and any programmes, you are welcomed to contact me!

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引用:
原帖由 闈場 於 2011-3-16 09:28 PM 發表
Amy was a beautiful girl in school. She had short black hair and shape(形狀,改番個verb落黎) eyes. David washer classmates[washer=洗衣機,你想講咩?]. One day he invited Amy to dated(我覺得個dated好似怪怪 ...
真有心

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引用:
原帖由 thkforint 於 2011-3-13 10:03 PM 發表
Amy was abeautiful girl in school. She had short black hair and shape eyes. David washer classmates. One day he invited Amy to dated with him and she agreed. David wouldlike to watched a romantic film ...
我黎睇下啦,紅字為原文,盡量捉grammar
Amy was a beautiful girl in school. She had short black hair and shapeeyes. David was her classmates. One day he invited Amy to dated(to date,not dated) with himand she agreed. David would like to watched(again,to watch) a romantic film with Amy.
After the(that) day, Amy went to a famous salon to changed(change) her hair(hairstyle??). Also she bought many clothes in order to made(become??) more beautiful.
At the date’s day(很怪,不建議使用). David wear very trendy. He appeared(唔應該用appear) as well as somefamous stars. ‘Have a nice time and don’t be late home(no late home/.\).’ said hismother. ‘OK. Bye Mum.’ David said and then rushed out.
David arrived the cinema earlier. After a few minutes he saw a veryfashion girl. She is Amy and she saw David too. ‘unbelievable’ saidtogether at the same time. ‘You are more beautiful than in the school.Your hair(hairstyle) must be the most trendy in this current year.’ David said. Amywas happy. ‘Your appear(個人認為不應該使用appear) must be the most handsome in this current yeartoo. Let’s watch the film.'

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Amy was a abeautiful girl in school. She had short black hair and shape(? shape can be only used as v. or n. but you use it as adj. here.) eyes. David was her classmates. One day he invited Amy to dated with him ( just simply write'' he dated Amy will be better) and she agreed. David would like to watched(In most cases, after to, we shouldn't add -ed or -ing at the end of the verb followed) a romantic film with Amy.
After the day(? 第二日=After that day, 當日+On that day),Amy went to a famous salon to changed(change) her hair( It's strange to say sb. change her hair). Also she bought many clothes in order to made(make) more  ^HERSELF beautiful.
At the date’sday(?). David wear(wears/wore) very trendy. He appeared as ''well as''<--(thses two words not needed 如果你話as well as敢姐系佢出現,famous stars又出現) some famous stars. ‘Have a nice time anddon’t be late home.’ said his mother. ‘OK. Bye Mum.’ David said and then rushed out.
David arrived the cinema earlier. After a few minutes he saw a very fashionABLE girl. She is Amy and she saw David too. ‘unbelievable’ (WHO?) said together at the same time. ‘You are more beautiful than in the( not needed) school. Your hair must be the most trendy in thiscurrent year.’(the most trendy one in this year./in recent years.) David said. Amy was happy. ‘Your appear(? You should say use your appearance but in this case, it'd be better if you use ''your look'') must be the most handsome(we usually use it to describe people instead of thier appearance) in this current year too. Let’s watch the film.


There's only 159 words. You should write more if you want to score higher marks. The plot is too flat and it'd be better if you make you story surprising or interesting.

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