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[IELTS] 作短文,求幫手睇下大概會拎幾多分

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作短文,求幫手睇下大概會拎幾多分

Given are the table that shows CO2 Emissionsfor six transports in the European Union and the Pie Chart that shows thepercentage of European Union funds being spent on different forms of transport.
According to the table, we can see immediatelythat air has most grams of CO2 passenger. It has almost 400 KM grams of CO2 per passenger. The secondmost that has grams of CO2 is cars passenger and it is nearly a third of thefirst one, air. The third one that has most grams of CO2 is buses passenger. Ithas about half of grams of CO2 of passenger cars, 75KM. The other three main transports that has mostgrams of CO2 per passenger are Coaches, Maritime and rail. Their CO2 are almostthe same, fifty KM grams of CO2 per passenger.
Move to the Pie Chart, we can see immediatelythat European Union funds being spent most on roads. It has almost spent halfof funds on roads. The second most of spent is the railways. It has spent athird of funds. The third one that spend most funds is public transport. It’sfunds is much less that railways that it is only tenth of European Union funds.The other 5% of funds is spend on inland waterway, ports, airports, and unknowntransport.
We can see that European Union spent toomuch money on roads. If it spend more on airports, it would help much morepassenger.
22x字,多左d應該唔會扣分掛?
   

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極多grammatical error
包括第三身單數動詞要+s, 錯誤使用comparative adj (most, more, etc), 時態不一致(tense inconsistency), 句子含多於一個及沒有動詞錯誤(one sentence, one verb), 於不可數名詞( uncountable noun)加上s, 錯誤使用連接詞(connectives and discourse markers), etc

評語: 請打好基本功!
2010 CE 4A4B 28分
Phy Bio Math Add. Math A
中文 English Chem Econ B
2012 AL
中化 UE Phy Chem Pure Math

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Given are the table that shows CO2 Emissionsfor six transports in the European Union and the Pie Chart that shows thepercentage offunds being spent on different forms of transport.
According to the table, we can seeimmediately that air has highest grams of CO2passenger. It has almost 400 KMgrams of CO2 per passenger. The second high thathas grams of CO2 is cars passenger and it is nearly a third of the first one,air. The one that has third high grams of CO2 isbuses passenger. It has about half of grams of CO2 of passenger of cars, 75KM. The other three main transports that have high grams of CO2 per passenger are Coaches,Maritime and rail. Their grams of CO2 are almost the same, 50 KM grams of CO2 per passenger.
Move to the Pie Chart, we can see immediatelythat most of European Union funds were being spent onroads. It were almost spent half of funds onroads. The second high percentage of spent isthe railways. It has spent nearly a third of funds, 32%. The one that spends third high funds is publictransport. The funds of it are so much less thanrailways that it is only tenth of European Union funds. The other 5% offunds is spending on inland waterway, ports,airports, and unknown transport.
We can see that European Union spent toomuch money on roads. If it spends more on airports,it would help much more passenger.
紅字係改左既地方,可以有d有改既地方都係黑字,不過主要都同紅字錯同一樣野
請問咁樣改岩唔岩?
用high字形容個數字大岩唔岩?
如果我交改左既文出去,又大概幾多分?

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Given are the table that shows CO2 Emissions for six transports in the European Union and the Pie Chart that shows the percentage of European Union funds being spent on different forms of transport.
According to the table, we can see immediately that air has most grams of CO2 passenger. It has almost 400 KM grams of CO2 per passenger. The second most that has grams of CO2 is cars passenger and it is nearly a third of the first one, air. The third one that has most grams of CO2 is buses passenger. It has about half of grams of CO2 of passenger cars, 75KM. The other three main transports that has most grams of CO2 per passenger are Coaches, Maritime and rail. Their CO2 are almost the same, fifty KM grams of CO2 per passenger.
Move to the Pie Chart, we can see immediately that European Union funds being spent most on roads. It has almost spent half of funds on roads. The second most of spent is the railways. It has spent a third of funds. The third one that spend most funds is public transport. It’s funds is much less that railways that it is only tenth of European Union funds.The other 5% of funds is spend on inland waterway, ports, airports, and unknown transport.
We can see that European Union spent too much money on roads. If it spend more on airports, it would help much more passenger.

真係好老實講句, 唔好介意, 你成篇文都唔係英文
無英文文法, 結構, 成篇文都唔知你講咩
你要考呢D英文能力試 不如過多幾年練好D英文先
如果你呢篇去考 相信都係哂$
本身唔想hurt你 所以上1個comment都只係話好多錯 不過你改完都仲錯 我先想勸你唔好考
2010 CE 4A4B 28分
Phy Bio Math Add. Math A
中文 English Chem Econ B
2012 AL
中化 UE Phy Chem Pure Math

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The graph shows the number of mobile phonesand landlines per 100 people in seven selected countries. Overall, we canimmediately see that most of countries have more mobile phones that land lines.
It is clear that most of European countrieshave high mobile phones use. Italypeople have 90 mobile phones per 100 people, meaning that there is about 90% ofItalypeople have a mobile phone. In Sweden,UK, and Denmark, thereare nearly 90 mobile phones per 100 people. Germany’s people have more than 70mobile phones per 100 people. The other two countries people, US and Canada, havemuch less mobile phone. US people have only almost 50 mobile phones per 100people. Canadapeople have only about 35 mobile phones per 100 people.
When we look at the data of land lines, wecan immediately see that Denmarkpeople have most land lines phone. There are almost 90 land lines per 100people. The other five main countries that have most number of land lines are Sweden, US, UK,Canada and Germany. Theirnumber of land lines are near, about 60 land lines per 100 people. The leastone country is Italy,there are only about 40 land lines per 100 people.
According to this graph, we can find thatif a country has more mobile phones, there will be less land lines.


呢條題目d字淺好多,加上細心d留意你所講我錯既野,應該好d啦掛?

[ 本帖最後由 不文人a 於 2012-2-8 08:08 PM 編輯 ]

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The graph shows the number of mobile phones and landlines per 100 people(^used/other verbs?)in seven selected countries. Overall, we can immediately(this is chinglish) see that most of ^countries have more mobile phones that land lines.
It is clear that most of ^European countries have high mobile phones use(mobile phone use is a compound noun in this case). Italy people have 90 mobile phones per 100 people, meaning that there is about 90% of Italy people have(lum sum of quantity = singular) a mobile phone. In Sweden,UK, and Denmark, there are nearly 90 mobile phones per 100 people.(Poor sentence structure) Germany’s people have more than 70mobile phones per 100 people.(Same!!) The other two countries people, US and Canada, have much less mobile phone. US people have only almost 50 mobile phones per 100people. Canada people have only about 35 mobile phones per 100 people. (Listing = 廢話) (Marking ends)
When we look at the data of land lines, we can immediately see that Denmark people have most land lines phone. There are almost 90 land lines per 100people. The other five main countries that have most number of land lines are Sweden, US, UK,Canada and Germany. Their number of land lines are near, about 60 land lines per 100 people. The least one country is Italy,there are only about 40 land lines per 100 people.
According to this graph, we can find that if a country has more mobile phones, there will be less land lines.

作文係傳遞意思 圖表係方便了解 如果我比幅圖你表達既意思仲好 我要你寫文做咩?
作呢類文等於寫summary compare and contrast 唔係叫你抄
何況你sentence structure錯+用詞不當 令到你抄得更差
語言能力試要求既係你是否達到當地native既水平
用中文譯既英文你叫人點睇得明
你真係要我比分 我可以比你2.5
因為3分係understandable
sorry我真係唔係好understand!
認真!我唔係想踩你!不過你依家真係唔適合考!信我啦!
2010 CE 4A4B 28分
Phy Bio Math Add. Math A
中文 English Chem Econ B
2012 AL
中化 UE Phy Chem Pure Math

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可能我成日問「呢篇文幾分」所以令你以為我好快就去考,其實我都明我英文屎,所以呢個月唔會考orz
從字裡行間,睇得出你對陌生人既用心良苦,所以大我可能呢兩個星期都會係呢個post煩住你,希望你唔好介意
係咪要篇文寫既內容大部份都係多做比較?
如果佢比個graph你,每一組有2條野,係咪多數都要同兩條棒比較?(表達得好衰,姐係例如x軸有5樣野,就有5*2=10條棒)x軸係時間的話就例外?
另外打字成日把than打左that,that打左than,寫的話應該唔會有呢個問題,不過影響唔大,都係屎
另外我想問,我睇PP發現短文有d非數據既圖,出得多唔多?出左死亡率高唔高?
長文假設無限時間,我UE長文一定合格(UE只有呢份卷一定合格,唔知點解),UE合格既長文交出去,拎唔拎到6分?又有咩技巧可以作大概300字既長文可以易d合格?
listening 拎25/40分 有無6.0?最低幾多先拎到6.0?我希望操卷操到6.0最低既分再加2分先去考
reading都一起, e家操到21/38
最後,我都知我好煩,我又作左篇短文,希望唔好介意改左佢
The table shows the figures for imprisonment in five countries between 1930 and 1980. We can see immediately that there was a big changing in 5 countries.
In Great Britain, the umber of imprisonment is increasing form 3000 in 1930 to 80 000 in 1980. On the other hand, in Australia and New Zealand, the umber of imprisonment fell markedly .Until 1950, they hit the bottom at about 40 000. After that, they advance to the peak, 70 000 in 1970. Ten years later, the umber of imprisonment in Australia plummet to 50 000. However, in New Zealand, the umber of imprisonment is still increasing to 90 000. The umber of imprisonment in US was keeping stably high. In those 60 years, the umber of imprisonment was always being about 12000. The same phenomenon could be seen in Canada between 1930 and 1950. The figure for Canada was about 110 000. In 1950, there was a rebounding. It was dropping remarkable form 110 000 in 1950 to 90 000.

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我唔係覺得煩! 我覺得煩都唔會覆你!
不過我只係見到你仲未係時候去考係不智既決定
如果你係有考UE既話 好多時practical skills都會要你分析圖表
圖表其實只需要講extreme case同trend
say 1990-2000既圖係見得出有increasing trend 即使中間有1/2年係跌 general trend係升
你都可以講: There is a rising trend of (subject matter) between 1990-2000
如果係統計比較 好似比5個國家你 A>B>C>D>E
你可以講: Country A is the most beautiful place, followed by country B, while country E is the least beautiful.
如果有數字你應該generalize個數字而唔係exact
say: A: 1234 B:345 C:789 D: 23
你可以講: A owns over 1200 pens, who is the highest among four. C has the second most pens which is 450 fewer than that of A. etc
pp我就真係無研究所以唔知
根據UE marking既標準 E既range=4-5分
4分都係understandable only
所以如果你E 當你5分 IELTS比你最高都係5分
listening條curve其實好高
25/40=6x% 其實都真係低
但係有6.0真係唔係好知
不過我識好多人都係listening 8.0/8.5用黎拉7.0/7.5 overall
所以你listening都係得6.0 分分鐘overall都係得4.5-5分
reading都一樣
不過呢現階段呢 唔應該作咁多文住
作文係應用 如果你grammar仲未打得好
係咁作文只會係咁錯 唔會有進步
因為文章呢D野我改100次 都唔可以ensure你唔會錯第101次
唯有你打好基本功先
我個fd AL之前為左打好英文底
咩都唔溫走去買本grammar黎溫
最後都有個C
當然佢真係好比心機 溫左幾個月
加油! 我知依家都唔會遲!

The table shows the figures(table=figure) for(of) imprisonment(s) in five countries between 1930 and 1980(either country or year as variable). We can see immediately(no immediately anymore plz) that there was a big changing in 5 countries.(no need)
In Great Britain, the umber of imprisonment is increasing form 3000 in 1930 to 80 000 in 1980. On the other hand, in Australia and New Zealand, the umber of imprisonment fell(period? fell within decade(1930-1939)? fell from initial? fell from 1930-1980? markedly .Until 1950, they hit the bottom at about 40 000. After that, they advance to the peak, 70 000 in 1970. Ten years later, the umber of imprisonment in Australia plummet to 50 000. However, in New Zealand, the umber of imprisonment is still increasing to 90 000. The umber of imprisonment in US was keeping stably high(why past continuous tense? the number itself or the US keeps?). In those 60 years, the umber of imprisonment was always being about 12000(always?). The same phenomenon could be seen in Canada between 1930 and 1950. The figure for Canada was about 110 000(what is it?). In 1950, there was a rebounding. It was dropping remarkable form 110 000 in 1950 to 90 000.(same)
2010 CE 4A4B 28分
Phy Bio Math Add. Math A
中文 English Chem Econ B
2012 AL
中化 UE Phy Chem Pure Math

TOP

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