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[求助] AL writing pp 求指點

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AL writing pp 求指點

2004 Section b  q 4
Many teenagers have been strongly affected b advertisement promoting slimming products and programmer . Some now believe that they have to be slim to be beautiful and go to extreme and unreasonable lengths in an attempt to lose weight . You have jut attended a talk on ‘health and beauty ’ organized by the department of health . At the talk , a medical doctor , a social worker and an ex-patient recovering from an eating disorder spoke about the issue , drawing on their expertise and experience.

Write an article for your school newspaper sharing what you learnt from each of the three speakers. Give you article a title.


                                                         Extremely beauty
          Flipping through these newspapers , there are flooding with considerable  headlines and advertisements about slimming products and courses . In light of having a deeper investigation on this phenomenon, I has attended a talk on “health and beauty ”.ln the followings , the three main attenders  : a medical doctor , a social worker and ex-patient related have expressed their opinions in terms of their specialize and experience.

          The first and foremost, a medical doctor that being unlimited slim exerts negative effect on our bodies. He strengthened the point mentioned-above by sharing one of the his client ’situations . The patient (short terms: Lee ) took over drops of medication provided from a fitting center . Efficient though it may seem , the state merely maintained in the short period, deteriorating Lee’s organs is the lasting consequence as well as Chronic Renal Failure. Apart from worsening organs ,Lee’s energy became weaker than before . Lee have kept doing exercise excessively .Meanwhile , Lee didn’t consume any good excecpt apple . Hence , he lost weight unreasonably , in short , Lee put himself into peril .

                 In addition to doctor , a social worker insist that beauty is not equal to being extremely slim . A social worker take an female adolescent he/she has met before as an evidence .This youth has been isolated from the surroundings owing to feeling too overweighed than others. Worden still , this Juvenile attempt to commit suicide frequently so as to prevent herself from getting fat even she is not actually fertile . Eventually , she started the first step on the right track ,and meanwhile , it reveals that even a person having a great body sharp might not live a meaning life and be attractive.


                The last one is ex-patent related delivering that sharping a nice body sharp is an optical in his/her life. For healthy perspective , he/she follow all the instructions the fitting center want he/she to do ,ranging from having unbalanced diet to participating vast number of courses. As we known , the side-effect would constantly appear .A few months later , she/he fall down on street after joining the course on that day. For the economy aspect, she /he enhance a huge financial burden in view of paying for the course.


              As the proverbs, :”Rome was not built in one day “.What is more , taking these opinions from a medical doctor , a social worker and an ex-patient related into consideration . By no mean should we take a risk to be extremely slim and beauty by taking exceeded drugs , doing too much exercise and maintaining an unbalanced diet. Nothing is impossible and leniently being slim is not exception .

希望睇完留意見~~~感激
   

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almost level 5

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at most

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sentence pattern is quite good but pay more attention to the question....

The focus is to share what you have learnt....
telling readers what you have heard from the talk is not correct
有錯請指出^^

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