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[Eng] 2015 paper 2 part B Q4 English writing 求狠評!!

2015 paper 2 part B Q4 English writing 求狠評!!

想知有咩地方可以改善,唔該各位!


Topic:
4.Learning English through Social Issues

Many parents in Hong Kong are sending their children to other countries to complete their schooling. Write an article for your magazine examining two reasons for this phenomenon. You should also discuss the impact of this schools and on children who leave to study overseas.

A Devastating Fact: Why are parents sending their kids overseas?




Imaginea scene that a caring father are discussing with his son about whichcountry should go to complete his study while the kids reaches hismiddle 20s. “ This is for your own good, son.” said the father.The son may probably do not understand why he has to leave, but thefather does. Tellingly, thousands of children are sent to study inother countries every year because the parents think it would bebetter off. When talking about this phenomenon, flaw of localeducation may be the one to blame.


Thefirst reason to explain this is the belief that students studying inHong Kong need to bear tremendous pressure, which will cause adverseimpacts on children. Bases on Confucius belief, people are obsessedwith the idea that education is the top priority and the only mean tobe successful. Schools overly emphasize the importance academicachievements. Instead of encouraging students to develop well-roundlyand multidimensionally, schools force students to outperform othersacademically by stuffing them with obsessive amount of homework andcountless tests and examinations. Students in Hong Kong have to givetheir very best to win in this race, and not to be outdone. On theother hand, students who study overseas have less likelihood to bearsuch pressure. They are told to not only focus on study, but also on other domains,such as arts and sports. They are taught to developthemselves in other aspects and not purely in academic side. Onecannot deny the fact that students study overseas feel less stressfulthan our local counterparts. Parents in pursuit of their children'sfortune, they choose to send their children overseas, avoiding theirchildren being torturing by the huge pressure.


Inaddition to protecting their child from pressure, the preferablewestern education philosophy is also a reason for parents sendingtheir kids overseas. In western culture, one need not be thegreatness. You can always find your place if you go for what youwant. However, students in Hong Kong have always been told that theyneed to work hard to be great, to be, for example ,a lawyer or doctorand make tons of money. This is how we define “success” in HongKong. There id a famous story that state the fundamental discrepancybetween Chinese and Western education. A student tell his teacherthat he want to be a joker when he grows up. In the case of Chineseteacher, the students is gently turned down and is told that joker isnot a decent job. While in the scenario of western teachers, thestudents is simply told “wish you bring the joy and happiness tothe world!”. This may be a bit cruel, but is very true thatstudents in Hong Kong are not encouraged to ”do what they want”but are told to follow the normal path in pursue of success.In viewof this, parents who send their kids to foreign countries due to notonly the pressure children have to bear if they study in Hong Kong,but also the fact that western education can provide students a looseand joyful environment to develop themselves and can make them,simply, a happy person.


However,we, the society, have to bear the cost of it. To the local schools,the direct result is that many schools have to close down due to thedecreasing number of students in  Hong Kong. This will further leadsto other impacts. First, teachers in local school need to faceunemployment due to the close down of schools.There will probably bean serious unemployment crisis in Hong Kong. Second, decreasingnumber of schools also means that there will be fewer places forlocal students to study. Students who are not rich enough to studyoverseas may therefore face difficulties in finding schools.


Childrenwho leave to study overseas may also suffer too. Given the fact thatmost children are studying aboard alone and without the care offamilies, they may suffer from depression and lost while they arestudying there.Worse still, these who are vulnerable and lonely maybe abused by other students due to racism, or may be so depressedthat they resort the sadness to other means, such as doing drugs torelease the stress or even committing suicide to expel themselvesfrom the pain.



Allin all, the phenomenon that parents are sending children overseas canbe dealt with a solution - to create a more advanced education systemin Hong Kong which cares about teenagers and convinces parents thatour education system is trustworthy.

[ 本帖最後由 seed3000 於 2016-2-27 10:13 AM 編輯 ]
   

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[隱藏]
有d地方唔知點解出錯左
Imaginea -> Imagine a
Thefirst -> The first
HongKong -> Hong Kong

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Proof-read左一次,發現錯左好多野,sorry!

ADevastating Fact: Why are parents sending their kids overseas?

Imaginea scene that a caring father are discussing with his son about whichcountry he should go to complete his study while the kids reaches hismiddle 20s. “ This is for your own good, son.” said the father.The son may probably do not understand why he has to leave, but thefather does. Tellingly, thousands of children are sent to study inother countries every year because the parents think it would bebetter off. When talking about this phenomenon, flaws of localeducation may be the one to blame.


Thefirst reason to explain this is the belief that students studying inHong Kong need to bear tremendous pressure, which will cause adverseimpacts on children. Bases on Confucian belief, people are obsessedwith the idea that education is the top priority and the only mean tobe successful. Schools overly emphasize the importance of academicachievements. Instead of encouraging students to developwell-roundedly and multidimensionally, schools force students tooutperform others academically by stuffing them with enormous amountof homework and countless tests and examinations. Students in HongKong have to give their very best to win in this race, and not to beoutdone. On the other hand, students who study overseas have lesslikelihood to bear such pressure. They are told to not only focus onstudy, but also on  other domains,such as arts and sports. They aretaught to develop themselves in other aspects and not purely inacademic side. One cannot deny the fact that students study overseasfeel less stressful than our local counterparts. Parents, in pursuitof their children's fortune, choose to send their children overseas,avoiding their children being tortured by the huge pressure.


Inaddition to protecting their child from pressure, the preferablewestern education philosophy is also a reason for parents sendingtheir kids overseas. In western culture, one need not be thegreatness. You can always find your place if you go for what youwant. However, students in Hong Kong have always been told that theyneed to work hard to be great, to be, for example ,a lawyer or doctorand make tons of money. This is how we define “success” in HongKong. There is a famous story that states the fundamental discrepancybetween Chinese and Western education. A student tells his teacherthat he want to be a joker when he grows up. In the case of Chineseteacher, the student is gently turned down and is told that joker isnot a decent job. While in the scenario of western teachers, thestudent is simply told “wish you bring the joy and happiness tothe world!”. This may be a bit cruel, but is very true thatstudents in Hong Kong are not encouraged to ”do what they want”but are told to follow the normal path in pursue of success.In viewof this, parents who send their kids to foreign countries due to notonly the pressure children have to bear if they study in Hong Kong,but also the fact that western education can provide students a looseand joyful environment to develop themselves and can make them,simply, a happy person.


However,we, the society, have to bear the cost of it. To the local schools,the direct result is that many schools have to close down due to thedecreasing number of students in  Hong Kong. This will further leadto other impacts. First, teachers in local school need to faceunemployment due to the close down of schools.There will probably bean serious unemployment crisis in Hong Kong. Second, decreasingnumber of schools also means that there will be fewer places forlocal students to study. Students who are not rich enough to studyoverseas may therefore face difficulties in finding schools.


Childrenwho leave to study overseas may also suffer too. Given the fact thatmost children are studying aboard alone and without the care offamilies, they may suffer from depression and lost while they arestudying there.Worse still, these who, are vulnerable and lonely ,maybe abused by other students due to racism, or may be so depressedthat they resort the sadness to other means, such as doing drugs torelease the stress or even committing suicide to expel themselvesfrom the pain.


Allin all, the phenomenon that parents are sending children overseas canbe dealt with a solution - to create a more advanced education systemin Hong Kong which cares about teenagers and convinces parents thatour education system is trustworthy.

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