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[Eng] 唔該幫我評下呢篇文

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唔該幫我評下呢篇文

2015 writing Part A Dear Editor,
I am writing to express my concern on the current student's sleeping deficiency problem. A recent articles posted on the Young Post stated that an 8:00am start to the school day contributes to exhaustion on the students. Therefore, there is a controversy on the needs of delaying the school start to 9:00am in the hope of alleviating the problem.Before considering the effectiveness of the methods, i am going to examine the reasons of this phenomena.

The consequences of students feeling tired are twofold: the heavy workload and mental pressure. It is uncommon to tell workload of Hong Kong students is far from affordable. Not only do they need to finish the schoolwork, but also need to attach the tuition class till 9:00pm to 10:00pm. School, in order to enhance the students' competitiveness , usually gives tons of tasks for students. They have no choice but to turn the midnight oil so as to satisfying the desire of school and teachers.There is no point that they will not get tired after that. Moreover, the majority of students are forced to participate many extra-curriculum activities. In recent years, the ability of a student has linked to the academic and non-academic aspects. This is because the Education Bureau want to put the whole personal development into practice. However, what come to the end is  too heavy workload and fatigued students.

Apart from that, the mental pressure also plays the prominent role on the sleeping problem. Reachers has proven that pressure has adverse effects on the quality of sleeping. The quality of sleeping is much important that the quantity.This society has become more exam-orientated and neglecting the feeling of the student, putting enormous burdens on students' shoulder.Even the students have taken adequate sleep, they may feel exhausted in the morning. In fact, students are facing the intense competition and high exception from parents. Since the enrolment of university is only about 18%,so most of the students have anxiety and frustration if failing to enter the university. Such worry certainly led to mental pressure .

The above discussed the fundamental reasons the sleeping problems. After investigating them, i believe the delay of school start is unable to solve the problem. Clearly, the delay cannot reduce the workload and pressure of students. It may even make some students delay their sleeping time. It is just to cure the symptoms, not the disease source. After the enforcement of time delay, the school ending would became later. Although someone claim that this method can catch up on some much-needed sleep, it is in fact ineffective and suspicious. In order to tackle this problems thoroughly, school should implement other policy such as homework reduction instead of delaying the school start. Under this circumstance , students; tiredness would sure be lessened.

The society should pay more attention on the students' sleeping problems. Also it is a high time for school to re-examine the current policy in order to alleviating their mental and physical health. A 9:00AM start is an ideal measure which cannot solve the problem.

Yours faithfully,
Chris Wong
   

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on the CURRENT PROBLEM OF INADEQUATE SLEEP AMONG STUDENTS.
contributes to the EXHAUSTION of students.
in the hope of SOLVING the problem.
reasons FOR this PHENOMENON (SINGULAR)

consequence 係結果,reason 係原因
THE HEAVY WORKLOAD OF HK STUDENTS IS FAR FROM THE ACCEPTABLE LEVEL.
Not only do they ..., but they also have to ATTEND TUITION CLASSES TILL 9PM OR 10PM
IN ORDER TO INCREASE THEIR STUDENTS' COMPETITIVENESS, THE TEACHERS OFTEN GIVE A LOT OF ASSIGNMENT.
Burn the midnight oil, not turn the midnight oil. I believe this is not a typo.
so as to SATISFY (to-infinitive) the DEMANDS of the school and teachers,
It is therefore expected that students will be tired after that.
extra-curriculaR activities
...the ability of students is judged by both the academics and the ECAs, as a result of the whole-person development policy from the EDB.
However, the consequence of such policy is great stress and weary students.

RESEARCHERS HAVE
quality of sleep is MUCH MORE IMPORTANT than the quantity.
has become more exam-oriented and neglectful towards the feeling of the students, and hence ...
Even IF the students have slept FOR LONG ENOUGH, they may STILL feel exhausted in the morning due to the stress.  
University ADMISSION RATE ... most of the students SUFFER FROM ANXIETY AND FRUSTRATION FOR FEAR OF NOT BEING ABLE TO ENTER THE UNIVERSITY. Such worrying certainly led to pressure.

The reasons discussed above are fundamental. Having examined the suggestion... Clearly, the pushing back the time when school starts...
Itmight even cause students to sleep even later
治標不治本 -,- : Don't translate directly from chinese: Such suggestion does not tackle the root problem.
The school would end even later.
can HELP STUDENTS CATCH UP ON SLEEP.
suspicious ??????
Only by reducing work load will students feel less tired.

pay more attention TO
It high time that school re-examinED THECURRENTPOLICY
IN ORDER TO IMPROVE MENTAL AND PHYSICAL HEALTH.
A 9 am start is an idealISTIC meausre which fails to solve the fundamental problem.

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Level 3

Grammatical mistakes is one of the biggest problems bugging your essays.
Moreover, NEVER EVER translate directly from Chinese.

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