本區搜索:
Yahoo!字典

投票項目 ( 單選 ) 參與人數 5

1. 4
2. 3
3. 2
4. 1
5. U
6. 5
打印

[Eng] Asking comment on English Essay

[隱藏]

Asking comment on English Essay

Part A
Your parents have sent you away for a month to asummer school in another country. It is your first trip outside HK and in thecountry where you are, life is completely different from in HK. After 2 weeks,you finally have time to write a letter to your best friend. Describe yourexperience and how you feel about the trip. Write your letter.


Dear Chris,


How are you? Thank you for your reminding about myfirst trip in London! I am sorry for writing a letter to you so late. After twoweeks, I have got accustomed to the school life in London and now I am enjoyingmy dancing training and the life of my trip.


The dancing training is a great learning chance forme as I can acquired massive amount of dancing knowledge and skills in thetraining. The teacher in the training is a famous dancer, who won a lot ofinternational dancing competition. I deeply appreciate her teaching skills. Sayfor a example, she arranged all teammates in different groups and passed sometasks for us to create a performance. We will discuss and comment otherteammate’s work after the performance. She create lots of opportunities toexplore our potential in dance


Besides, I also savor the traditional Englishculture through this trip, especially in art culture. My teammate took me towatch/visit/view street performance last weekend. It is totally differentcompared with the street performance culture in HK. The government of Britishis willing to facilitate the street performance and they provide enough placefor street performance. The people enjoyed the performances and there alwaysare a circle of people around the attractive performance!


Before the trip, I was really scared and worried asit is my first trip to another country, but now I get a sense of fulfilment inthe training. In addition to dancing learning, it’s an opportunity for me tostudy English, now I can communicate with people in English fluently.


I really enjoyed the amazing summer trip and I’mlooking forward to the next challenge in the training. How about your summertrip? Let me know your feeling of your trip!  


Bye for now!
Pat
   

TOP

Dear Chris,


How are you? Thank you for your reminding me about my first trip to London! I am sorry for X"writing a letter to you so"X writing back to you this late. After two weeks, I have finally got accustomed to the school life in London and now I am enjoying my dance training Xand the lifeX as a part of my trip.


The dance training is a great learning opportunity/experience to me as I can acquire a massive amount of dance knowledge and skills in the process. The teacher in the training session is a famous dancer (no comma) who has won a lot of international dance competitions. I deeply appreciate her teaching skills. Say, for a example, she arranged students to different groups [1] and passed some tasks for us to create a performance. We have to discuss and comment on other students' work after the performances. She has created lots of opportunities for us to explore our potential in dancing.


Also, I enjoy the traditional English culture throughout this trip, especially the art culture. One of my teammates took me to watch a street performance last weekend. It was totally different when compared with those in Hong Kong. The government here is [3] willing to facilitate performance art so it has provided enough space for street performers. All people enjoy the performances and there always are a flock of people around the attractive performances!


Before the trip, I was really scared and worried as it was my first trip to another country. But now I have got a sense of fulfillment in my training. In addition to learning dancing, I also have the opportunity to study English. Now I can communicate with people in English fluently.


I really enjoyed the amazing summer trip and I’m looking forward to the next challenge in the training. How was your summer trip? Let me know how it was!  


Bye for now!

Love,
Pat

PS
[1] If the people are in different groups, they are not your "teammates".
[2] "Besides" and "also" have very similar meanings. You just have to pick one to use. However, I don't suggest using "besides" since that one can convey a very negative image.
[3] I guess it is a bit politically incorrect to address the "British Government" as Britain is politically pretty divided...

Comments:
Actually, your grammar is not too bad. A lot of Hong Kong students tend to write run-on sentences - they don't know how to use FULLSTOPS! But I'm glad you are not one of them.
There are some things that you may want to pay more attention on. First, try not to repeat words too often. This is a piece of short writing. Any repetition of words would sound obvious. Therefore, instead of using "street performances" time over time in paragraph 3, you may want to use other expressions like "the show" and "the actors/ performers". Second, you need to use present perfect tense to talk about things that have already finished. Third, nouns like "dance" and "dancing" are pretty mixed up here. "Dance" is the name of the sport while "dancing" refers to the action.

I really want to give this a four, but to be conservative, I would say this is a 3 to me. Good luck with your exam!

[ 本帖最後由 pp_123 於 2016-4-4 06:26 PM 編輯 ]

TOP

回覆 2# pp_123 的帖子

Thank you!

TOP

重要聲明:小卒資訊論壇 是一個公開的學術交流及分享平台。 論壇內所有檔案及內容 都只可作學術交流之用,絕不能用商業用途。 所有會員均須對自己所發表的言論而引起的法律責任負責(包括上傳檔案或連結), 本壇並不擔保該等資料之準確性及可靠性,且概不會就因有關資料之任何不確或遺漏而引致之任何損失或 損害承擔任何責任(不論是否與侵權行為、訂立契約或其他方面有關 ) 。