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[Eng] writing need comments

[隱藏]

writing need comments

Hong Kong’s populationgenerate 600 million tons of solid waste every year and our three landfills arerapidly approaching full capacity. To help solve this problem, the governmenthas been conducting studies into different ways to reduce waste. As thechairperson of the Environment Protection Club at your school, write a letterto the editor of the Young Post to persuade students to do more to reducewaste. Suggest ways in which they can help reduce waste at school and at home. Signyour letter ‘Chris Wong’


Dear Editor,
I am writingto response the problem of the three landfills reaching its capacity soon. 600million tons of solid waste is generated every year and most of them are threwto landfills. Once three landfills reach its capacity and there is not another wayto deal with the giant amount of solid waste. It is certain that chaos willfollow and social stability will be disturbed. Thus, we must do thing before itbecomes too late.


As for a student, there are both short andlong-term measure available to remedy the production of solid waste.


The short-term measure consist of the usage of 3R, reducereuserecycle. At school, we should deplete twosides of the paper before we throw it into rubbish bin. But don’t underestimatea paper, if everybody throw a paper and it will ultimately add up. Moreover, weshould have a own water bottle instead of buying a disposable water bottle asthe former can be reused. However, if students insist of buying a disposablewater bottle, it is suggested to buy an environmental-friendly water bottle. Furthermore,there are free newspaper available for each class in some schools and most ofthem ends up to be threw away. We should gather these useless newspaper to recyclestation instead of throwing it away. Recycling is far more meaningful than justthrowing it away.


Apart from doing these things at school, there areanother approaches to be done at home. It sounds stereotypical to say that weshould reuse plastic bag or use our own bag instead of getting a plastic bagwhen we are shopping, but it does work. Also, it is paramount to set up threebins to classify different types of waste in a bid to be more convenient to recyclethem and remind us to cherish the things we have so as to diminish the amountof waste we generate at home.


Whatever any short-term ways be done to produceless amount of waste, it is of utmost importance to cultivate the sense of environmentprotection in long run as it is not only conducive to overcome the plight ofthe restricted landfill capacity, but also for the whole environmentprotection.


After all, it is everyone’s business to protect theenvironment and the problem of landfills reaching its capacity deserve our allattention as no one is immune to its consequence.


Thanks for your kind attention.


Regards

Chris Wong
   

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Dear Editor,
I am writing to response[1] the problem of the three landfills reaching its capacity soon. 600 million tons of solid waste is generated every year and most of them are threw[2] to landfills. Once [3] three landfills reach[4] its capacity and[5] there is not another[6] way to deal with the giant[7] amount of solid waste. It is certain that chaos will follow and social stability will be disturbed. Thus, we must do thing(s) before it becomes too late.

[1] "Response" is a noun. "Respond to" should be used there.
[2] "Threw" is the past tense of "throw". However, you need a past participle here. "Thrown" is the right word.
[3] You need "the" in front of "three landfills".
[4] You used the word "Once" at the beginning of the sentence. Therefore, the verb in this sentence should be in present perfect tense.
[5] "Once" = "when". There should not be an "and" connecting the two parts of the sentences. You should use a comma instead.
[6] "There are no other ways"
[7] "gigantic"



As for[8] a student, there are both short and long-term measure[9] available to remedy the production[10] of solid waste.


[8] "As for" is different from "For". You should use "for" there.
[9] "measures"
[10] "Production" sounds positive. You may say "over-production".


The short-term measure[11] consist of the usage of 3R, reducereuse、[12]recycle. At school, we should deplete[13] two sides[14] of the paper before we throw it into rubbish bin[15]. But don’t[16] underestimate a paper[17],[18] if everybody throw[19] a paper[17] and[20] it will ultimately add up. Moreover, we should have a own water bottle instead of buying a disposable water bottle as the former can be reused. However,[23] if students insist of[24] buying a disposable water bottle, it is suggested to buy[25] an environmental-friendly water bottle. Furthermore,there are free newspaper[26] available for each class in some schools[27] and most of them ends[28] up to be threw[29] away. We should gather these useless newspaper[26] to recycle station[30] instead of throwing it[31] away. Recycling is far more meaningful than just throwing it[32]away.

[11] "measures"
[12] Make sure you use the English commas ",". Also, we use "and" for the last example raised.
[13] "Deplete" is a serious word. It is better to just say "use up".
[14] "both sides"
[15] "the rubbish bin"
[16] No contractions are allowed for formal writings. "Do not" is preferred.
[17] "Paper" is uncountable.
[18] Use a full stop.
[19] "throws away"
[20] See [5]
[21] "add up" to what?
[22] "our own"
[23] You don't need the "however" there.
[24] "on"
[25] Don't use "to" after the verb "suggest".
[26] "Newspaper" is countable.
[27] "for each class in some schools" sounds strange.
[28] "Most of them" END "up"
[29] See [2]
[30] "recycle stations"
[31] "them"
[32] Throwing what away?

Apart from doing these things at school, there are another[33] approaches to be done[34] at home. It sounds stereotypical[35] to say that we should reuse plastic bag or use our own bag instead of getting a plastic bag when we are shopping, but it does work. Also, it is paramount to set up three bins[36] to classify different types of waste in a bid to be more convenient to recycle them[37] and remind us to[38] cherish the things we have so as to diminish the amount of waste we generate at home. (????????????)
[33] "Another" and "other" are different. "Other" is for things in plurality.
[34] approaches to be "followed"
[35] "clichéd"
[36] Set up???
[37] "In a bid" is wrongly used.
[38] You shouldn't have used "and" there since the two parts of the sentence are unrelated.


Whatever any short-term ways be done[39] to produce less amount of waste[40], it is of utmost importance to cultivate the sense of environment protection[41] in long run as it is not only[43] conducive to overcome[44] the plight of the restricted landfill capacity, but also[45] for the whole environment protection[46].

[39] "to be done"
[40] "less waste"
[41] "protecting the environment"
[42] "in the long run"
[43] "it is not only"-->not only is it"
[44] "for overcoming"
[45] "it is also good"
[46] Just say "environment".

After all, it is everyone’s business to protect the environment and the problem of landfills reaching its capacity deserve[47] our all[48] attention as no one is immune to its consequence[49].

[47] "deserves"
[48] Did you mean "full attention"?
[49] consequences

Thanks for your kind attention.[50]

[50] There is no need to thank anyone.

Regards

[51] Do not use "regards" for formal writings. Use "Yours faithfully,".

Chris Wong

[ 本帖最後由 pp_123 於 2016-4-7 07:09 PM 編輯 ]

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Hong Kong’s population generate (generates) 600 million tons of solid waste every year and our three landfills are rapidly approaching full capacity. To help solve this problem, the government has been conducting studies into different ways to reduce waste. As the chairperson of the Environment Protection Club at your school, write a letter to the editor of the Young Post to persuade students to do more to reduce waste. Suggest ways in which they can help reduce waste at school and at home. Sign your letter ‘Chris Wong’


Dear Editor,
I am writing to response (respond to) the problem of the three landfills reaching its capacity soon. 600 million tons of solid waste is generated every year and most of them are threw to landfills. Once three landfills reach its capacity and there is not another way to deal with the giant amount of solid waste. It is certain that chaos will follow and social stability will be disturbed. Thus, we must (inappropriate tone) [it is suggested that] do thing before it becomes too late.


As for (Xfor) a student, there are both short and long-term measure (measures) available to remedy the production of solid waste.


The short-term measure consist of the usage of 3R, reduce(,)reuse(,)recycle. At school, we should deplete two sides of the paper before we throw it into rubbish bin. But don’t (inappropriate tone: in your letter to the Editor, you should not use contractions) underestimate paper, if everybody throw (throws) a paper and it will ultimately add up. Moreover, we should have a own water bottle instead of buying a disposable water bottle as the former can be reused. However, if students insist of (on) buying a disposable water bottle (disposable water bottles), it is suggested to buy an environmental-friendly water bottle. (The meaning of this sentence is not clear.) Furthermore, there are free newspaper (newspapers) available for each class in some schools and most of them ends up to be threw away. We should gather these useless (Avoid being subjective) newspaper to recycle station instead of throwing it away. Recycling is far (much) more meaningful than just throwing it away.



Apart from doing these things at school, there are another (other) approaches to be done (do) at home. It sounds stereotypical to say that we should reuse plastic bag (bags) or use (bring) our own bag instead of getting a plastic bag when we are shopping, but it does work. Also, it is paramount to set up three bins to classify different types of waste in a bid to be more convenient to recycle them and remind us to cherish the things we have so as to diminish the amount of waste we generate at home. (Note that the target audience is students. Can students set up three bins? Try to improve your expression.)


Whatever any short-term ways be done to produce less amount of waste, it is of utmost importance to cultivate the sense of environment protection in ^the long run as it is not only conducive to overcome the plight of the restricted landfill capacity, but also for the whole environment protection. (X protection)


After all, it is everyone’s business to protect the environment and the problem of landfills reaching its capacity deserve (deserves) our all attention (full attention) as no one is immune to its consequence. (consequences)


Thanks for your kind attention. (The ending is too short; inappropiate tone)


Regards, (Yours faithfully,)
Chris Wong (What’s your post)


  • For language used, there are some grammatical mistakes in this writing. You are also reminded that the target audience is students. Try to show your understanding towards the characteristics of these students.
  • There is a lack of features of the letter to the Editor. You may consider the use of rhetorical questions and question tags as well. The vocabulary range is wide but you need to use these words more accurately and carefully.
  • Besides using words like “should”, you can use more phrases like “it is suggested that”, “it is recommended that”, “Why not…”, “You have to bear a point in mind.”, etc.
  • For content, you may consider 5Rs like replace, reject, recycle, reuse and reduce. This can enrich your content of the letter to the Editor.
    More vocabulary used in this question:
  • Foster behavioural changes.
  • Lifestyles (wasteful or economical)


So your mark
C 4/7     L 3/7    O 3/7


But don't worry! Do the best in DSE! Add oil!

[ 本帖最後由 kelvin0714 於 2016-4-7 06:00 PM 編輯 ]

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