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[Eng] [目標5.5] Ielts task 2寫作求評及建議

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[目標5.5] Ielts task 2寫作求評及建議

我知有好多錯字,但為左準確啲,我冇改到啲錯字。Task2 40minsTopicSome people believe that unpaid community service should be a compulsory part of high school programmers (for example working for a charity, improving the neighbourhood or teaching sports to younger children).To what extent do you agree or disagree?Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.Volunteer work is a vital part of teaching, it allow students attempt to fulfill their social responsibility. Nowadays, certain people against this view, they constituted unpaid community service as a hindrance of student's academic development.First of all, high school student would cultivate their responsibility through engaging volunteer works. High social responsibility is indispensable towards citizens, while participate those unpaid community work able to kick student's poor habits. Moreover, engaging these socialising work able to make more friends and young volunteers from different college, as well as various people from different walk of life such as social worker. From my experience join such programme enable us to clarified our prospect, since these activities give us an opportunity to adapt working environment in the future.However, certain parents believe that these kind of unpaid community service is time-consuming for high school students, since they having an enomous burden due to public examination, which is decisive towards their further study and occupation. Accordingly, high school student should abandoned all their activities, whether those work is meaningful.Admittedly, these extra-curricular activities would steal a certain degree of times from study. On the other hand, these straightforward task not only able to allay student's pressure, but also unleash student's potential in different fields.What's more, as a high school student, there is generally assumed that they can deal with time-management problem before they become an adult, as a result joining these extra-curricular activities is an essential task in their life.Taking both point into consideration, these services undoubtedly benefited all students, hence I highly agree with that unpaid community service should be imposed in high school.(271 words)
   

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Task2 40mins
Topic
Some people believe that unpaid community service should be a compulsory part of high school programmers (for example working for a charity, improving the neighbourhood or teaching sports to younger children).
To what extent do you agree or disagree?Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

Volunteer work is a vital part of teaching, it allow students attempt to fulfill their social responsibility. Nowadays, certain people against this view, they constituted unpaid community service as a hindrance of student's academic development.

First of all, high school student would cultivate their responsibility through engaging volunteer works. High social responsibility is indispensable towards citizens, while participate those unpaid community work able to kick student's poor habits. Moreover, engaging these socialising work able to make more friends and young volunteers from different college, as well as various people from different walk of life such as social worker. From my experience join such programme enable us to clarified our prospect, since these activities give us an opportunity to adapt working environment in the future.

However, certain parents believe that these kind of unpaid community service is time-consuming for high school students, since they having an enomous burden due to public examination, which is decisive towards their further study and occupation. Accordingly, high school student should abandoned all their activities, whether those work is meaningful.

Admittedly, these extra-curricular activities would steal a certain degree of times from study. On the other hand, these straightforward task not only able to allay student's pressure, but also unleash student's potential in different fields.What's more, as a high school student, there is generally assumed that they can deal with time-management problem before they become an adult, as a result joining these extra-curricular activities is an essential task in their life.

Taking both point into consideration, these services undoubtedly benefited all students, hence I highly agree with that unpaid community service should be imposed in high school.(271 words)

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第一個point 講增加佢地的責任感
應該要繼續elaborate
比如話衣家d後生仔
番到屋企打機
又不做家務 冇乜責任感
跟手再去講做左之後會增加責任感之類

跟住你話識fd ,其實可以延伸去第二個pt
擴闊佢的視野或社交圈子
再大量elaborate

好多時候你講完個pt 就輕輕帶過,冇例子冇總結
以第一個pt ,你用左一句就論證完

最好有三個pt

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It allows students to  
High school students
while participating in those unpaid community works are able to kick student's bad habits
From my experience , joining such programme enable us to clarify our ...

be able to ,allay 用 alleviate 。
其實仲有其他錯好易睇到

[ 本帖最後由 556556 於 2017-6-28 03:12 PM 編輯 ]

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回覆 3# Totti0144 的帖子

Thx

但再長驚唔夠時間寫,姐係中間果part應該少啲?

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回覆 4# 556556 的帖子

我自己寫完都知咩事,但係果40mins入面乜都諗唔到,句子都諗唔到啲乜變化

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回覆 5# ken523698741 的帖子

論證,例子可以寫多d

比如
However, certain parents believe that these kind of unpaid community service is time-consuming for high school students, since they having an enomous burden due to public examination, which is decisive towards their further study and occupation. Accordingly, high school student should abandoned all their activities, whether those work is meaningful.

你想帶出家長會認為浪費時間影響學業,從而反證佢的觀點
你的目的係要反駁佢的錯,再立論自已個point
呢段太長,一兩句帶出就夠
重點係要反駁佢
你反駁果到得一兩句,不夠,太短了,冇例子
同埋減壓並不係主要原因,因為減壓就不浪費時間係錯的
我打機夠可以減壓,一樣可以,為何要去做義工
重點係呢樣野的重要性係值得花時間,做義工不係為左減壓
係為左幫人,係有意義的活動,
學生會從中學到正確價值觀,將來不單止因為學校強迫佢
將來亦都會自願錦做
老師透個活動去教學生
跳出書本框架,互動去身教之類
呢度你自已吹la

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