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[Eng]writing..請評grade

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[Eng]writing..請評grade

Eng就考啦...希望可以幫幫手指出有咩問題同可以有咩grade ..THX

Topic; “It is more important to be clever than beautiful or handsome” Do you agree?

Dear Editor,
   

It has been a trend that more and more people are going after the physical beauty through all kinds of methods, such as losing weight, in order to catch the others’ eyes.However, although physical beauty can draw the attention of the others, nevertheless, to be clever can be used as a tool to energize our lives. Therefore, I consider that to be clever is more meaningful than physcial beauty to us because of the following perspective:



Firstly, to be clever is the key to success. It is unbaised to say that cleverness plays an extremely esssential role in our life, no matter for academic achievement or job performance. Not mentioning that cleverness is able to keep our mind lucid when the trouble occurs, but also providing us the most appropriate way to solve the problems. In comparison of the physical beauty, a lovly appearance is useless to improve this circumstance.



Secondly, clever mind can keep company with us all our life while physical beauty is short-lived to us. Without doubt, the change of our appearance relies on our growth, therefore, the physical beauty will be lost as the time past. However, intelligence can be remained in our lifetime, it can glorify our lives by offering the most suitable lifestyle and give hope to us so that we can take an optimistic glance into the future..Thus, I think that to be clever is more vital than physical beauty.



Thirdly, to be  clever can help us establish the interpersonal relationship. Communicating with other' is indispensable to human. An excellent network of interpersonal relationship is crucial  since it can foster our ablility of academic study and moral education. Moreover, our life can be more colorful when the sincered friends are always by our side. But why it can  pose such a postive influence on us? That’s all about understanding. To be clever helps us to know the other better.When we are talking with the others, it is possible to analyze what kind of person he/she is and what he/she is in need of by our clear mind. As a result, the understanding of friends supports us to establish our tnterpersonal relationship.



To conclude, we can take lots of advantages if we are clever, such as analysis, mental possessing skills, and it’s one type of  ability that we can use once-and-for-more, but physical beauty is short-lived to us. Only if we are clever can we improve our lives, hence, I prefer to be clever  than to be beautiful.


Your faithfully
Chris Wong
Chris Wong

[ 本帖最後由 donaldleung07 於 2009-5-7 04:19 PM 編輯 ]
   

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我英文吾系感好
但我覺得你篇野好好
我唸至少都有lv 4
欸 我都好想有感ge水平
系學校mock卷度 最高都系lv 4 = =
都吾知系米真系有lv4 好suspect個ar sir比高分左

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英文我最擔憂ga一科 = =
其實lv4大概幾分(x/24)?

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PUSH
有冇人可以幫下手...聽日考啦  ><

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wide variety of vocabulary!!
但係都幾多錯grammar

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整體幾好 不過睇第一段覺得呢句有d累贅

However, although physical beauty can give a helping hand to us in order to draw the attention of the others, nevertheless, to be clever can be used as a tool to energize our lives

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grammar錯邊度 可以具體d嗎?

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Gammar
However, although physical beauty can give a helping hand to us in order to draw the attention of the others, nevertheless, to be clever can be used as a tool to energize our lives
太多connectives
clever mind can get along with us all our lives while physical beauty is short-lived to us
唔識改--"
the change of our appearance is rely on our growth
the change of our appearance relies on our growth
Communicating with the other is indispensable to humans
Communicating with others is indispensable to humans
vocabularies
excellect
slove
extremety

幾好!有structure有point 差少少example
以下一個寫法一定有lv4!
Introduction:

1.situation
2.rewrite the topic

3.list out 3 main points

Body:

1.main point 1
2.elaborate
3.examples
4.small conclusion

1.main point 2
2.elaborate
3.examples
4.small conclusion

1.main point 3
2.elaborate
3.examples
4.small conclusion

Conclusion:
1.give the answer to the quesion(topic)
2.rewrites the 3 small conclusions
3.i hope.....(anthing the gov' or people can do more)


[ 本帖最後由 Quiksliver 於 2009-5-7 03:10 PM 編輯 ]

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引用:
原帖由 nkw1990 於 2009-5-6 02:51 PM 發表
我英文吾系感好
但我覺得你篇野好好
我唸至少都有lv 4
欸 我都好想有感ge水平
系學校mock卷度 最高都系lv 4 = =
都吾知系米真系有lv4 好suspect個ar sir比高分左
Must be 100% Lv4

Because he made some careless mistakes such as overuse of connective in opening and wrong spellings.

It's also noted that if one can write fluently (lots of grammar mistakes are OK),  he get at least Lv4(Yes, he can).

[ 本帖最後由 cschan3 於 2009-5-7 03:11 PM 編輯 ]

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好詳細..明白..thx aaaaaa lot

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