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[英文]評文唔該..

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[英文]評文唔該..

小弟英文都幾差下 ,
願各位指點下..唔該晒 !

Topic:
Write a letter to the editor of your school newspaper explaining why you think it is important for students to spend less time playing computer games and more time playing sports .


Dear Editor ,

Nowaday , many students spend much time for playing computer games . In my view , it is an unhealthy lifestyle . Hong Kong ' s students have high pressure from study , so they should have a right way to relax .

Playing computer games , is it a right way ? I think it is . But students should not spend too much time on this activity for various reasons . Firstly , playing computer games too often may affect students ' communication skill . Secondly , if they sit on the chair a long time , they may get overweight . Moreover , some computer games are too exciting , so these games let students to be nervous . Finally , some computer games promote crimes , I believe these games may send some wrong messages to students .

I think playing sports is a great activity for students to release their pressure , such as , playing ball games . Some students may saying that playing sports are boring . Is it true ? I disagree , because they may play sports with their friends , for example , playing basketball . From here , it not only develop their communication skill and solving problems skill , and also , show out their leadership skill from playing sports .

There is no doubt that playing computer games is funny . And it is a good way to relax . Nevertheless , spend too much time on it , only can let students be nervous . As we know that , it may not release pressure . But playing sports is not the same . It not only can release their pressure , but also let them healthy . It is hardly to refuse to play this activity . Thereby , I prefer students should spend less time playing computer games and more time playing sports .

Yours faithfully ,
CHRIS WONG
Chris Wong


希望各位可以為我評下level ,
而且指出我錯既地方
唔該各位
   

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Nowaday> Nowadays
第1段已經唔係好明你想表達d咩.又話unhealth 又話right way
Firstly , playing computer games too often may affect students ' communication skill .
寫議論文要有論點 論據
point你就有.不過冇論據, 你應該elaborate下 點affect student 既communication skill

Playing computer games , is it a right way ?
>> Is it a right way to play computer games to relax (咁樣冇咁clumsy)

they may get overweight  ( get> be)
Moreover , some computer games are too exciting , so these games let students to be nervous
(moreover, some computer games are too exciting to fighten the students)

Thereby , I prefer students should spend less time playing computer games and more time playing sports .
用therefore.

整體黎講..
都有好多grammar error
句子太clumsy (用1句句子表達出黎就可以)
content 方面, 冇咩論據,令到文章冇咩說服力..
playing computer games 有幾唔好? 做運動有幾好? 冇交代清楚!

我估LV 1~2

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paragraph3 can be deleted becoz it is off-topic

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Firstly , playing computer games too often may affect students ' communication skill
我個人認為比dexplaination 會更好
e.g. Firstly , playing computer games too often may affect students ' communication skill because they will have fewer time to talk with others

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