ilikeit123

Nowaday> Nowadays
第1段已經唔係好明你想表達d咩.又話unhealth 又話right way
Firstly , playing computer games too often may affect students ' communication skill .
寫議論文要有論點 論據
point你就有.不過冇論據, 你應該elaborate下 點affect student 既communication skill

Playing computer games , is it a right way ?
>> Is it a right way to play computer games to relax (咁樣冇咁clumsy)

they may get overweight  ( get> be)
Moreover , some computer games are too exciting , so these games let students to be nervous
(moreover, some computer games are too exciting to fighten the students)

Thereby , I prefer students should spend less time playing computer games and more time playing sports .
用therefore.

整體黎講..
都有好多grammar error
句子太clumsy (用1句句子表達出黎就可以)
content 方面, 冇咩論據,令到文章冇咩說服力..
playing computer games 有幾唔好? 做運動有幾好? 冇交代清楚!

我估LV 1~2