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please grade my eng writing thanks!!

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please grade my eng writing thanks!!

ce is approaching so i have just written an essay..
i know that there might be loads of grammatical mistakes since i didn't proofread
you know, time is limited
but anyway please give me some comments for me to improve

thanks a lot!!




“It is more important to be clever than beautiful or handsome” Do you agree?


Nowadays, in this competitive city, many people endeavour to be the most outstanding one. Some people may think that intelligence is far more important than having an attractive appearance; while others think that success mainly depends on whether they are pretty/handsome or not. As far as I can tell, cleverness is undeniably more crucial than being beautiful, no matter in any stages in our lives. In this essay, I am going to discuss the reasons in-depth.


First of all, for every students, I believe that intelligence can lead them to success, but not appearance. The main duty of students is to study diligently to strike for academic extinction. If someone is intelligent or has a clever mind that can brainstorm loads of ideas, that student can probably be a successful and outstanding student. Never have I heard of someone being solely pretty without intelligence and diligence can get great result in any examinations or competitions. Therefore, cleverness patently prevails over beauty for students.


Furthermore, for those working in the society, cleverness is also a vital factor to determine whether someone is successful or not. Many renowned enterprisers, such as Bill Gate, Mr. Lee Ka Sing, their recipe of success is definitely not the attractive appearances, but fabulous ideas in their brains. Maybe someone would argue that, those with attractive appearance can join the Ms Hong Kong competition or be artists. However, don’t forget that the slogan of Ms Hong Kong is to be clever as well as pretty, two factors weigh equally. As the Chinese old saying goes, people can never be judged by appearance; the sea can never be easily measured. Therefore, I believe that diligence is much more crucial than appearance.


Last but certainly not least, beauty is short-lived while cleverness is something that can possess for the whole life. Everyone cannot escape the fact of being old, therefore, the appearance is also tarnished as time goes by. Only those inside our brains can retain until the day we die. Hence, pursuing beauty blindly but not maintaining clever or acquiring knowledge is definitely ridiculous for most people nowadays, since they are pursuing something that cannot last.


All in all, based on the above reasons, it is crystal clear that being intelligent is much more important than having attractive appearance, no matter for students, adults, and those blindly pursuing the short-lived beauty. Therefore, I strongly agree with the statement “It is more important to be clever than beautiful or handsome”.

   

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lv4-5. can't attain 5* for its occasional grammatical errors. good in terms of organization and content.

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引用:
原帖由 <i>docare</i> 於 2009-5-7 07:27 PM 發表 <a href="http://lsforum.net/board/redirect.php?goto=findpost&pid=1198384&ptid=93597" target="_blank"><img src="http://lsforum.net/board/images/common/back.gif" border="0" onload="if(this.width>screen.width*0.7) {this.resized=true; this.width=screen.width*0.7; this.alt='Click here to open new window\nCTRL+Mouse wheel to zoom in/out';}" onmouseover="if(this.width>screen.width*0.7) {this.resized=true; this.width=screen.width*0.7; this.style.cursor='hand'; this.alt='Click here to open new window\nCTRL+Mouse wheel to zoom in/out';}" onclick="if(!this.resized) {return true;} else {window.open(this.src);}" onmousewheel="return imgzoom(this);" alt="" /></a><br />
lv4-5. can't attain 5* for its occasional grammatical errors. good in terms of organization and content.
<br />
would u please list them out? thanks!

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Bill Gate

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